Dial M For Mayhem

Yikes. It's 6:30. I've got to call my wife. I won't be able to meet her for dinner after all.

Dial, dial, ring, ring.
"Hewwo?"
"Hi, son. It's Daddy."
"Hi, Dad."

"So you're answering the phone all by yourself now, huh? You're really getting to be a big boy, aren't you?"

"Yeah."
"I sure am proud of you!"
"I knowwwwww, Dad. I love you! G'bye!" (Click.)
Dial, dial, ring, ring.
"Hewwo?"
"Matthew, it's Daddy again. Can I please talk to Mommy?"
"No. I'm watchin' a movie! I love you! Bye!" (Click.)
Dial, dial, ring, ring.
"Hewwo?"
"MATTHEW, DON'T HANG UP! Son, will you please go get Mommy?"
"I can't. I love y..." (Click.)
Dial, dial, ring, ring.
"Dad, are we gonna do this all night?"
"Listen to me. I really need to talk to Mommy. Where is she?"
(Silence.)

"Matthew? ... Matthew? ... Did you put the phone down? ... Come back to the phone right now! CAN YOU HEAR ME? MATTHEW, PICK UP THE PHONE..."

Mommy's voice: "Sweetheart, did Daddy call while I was in the shower?"
Matthew: "Yes."
Mommy: "Did he say where he is?"
Matthew: "No."

Mommy: "Oh, your father. And we have to leave in a few minutes, too. ... Matthew, look at this. Whenever you're finished talking on the phone, you should always remember to..."

Daddy: "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
(Click.)
Dial, dial, busy signal. Dial, dial, busy signal. Dial, dial, ring, ring.
"Hewwo, Dad."

"Matthew, I have to talk to Mom! It's very important! If you hang up, I'm taking away all your toys! Forever! Do you understand?"

"Forever?"
"Yes. Unless you let me talk to Mommy!"
"My Godzilla, too?"
"Yes. So GET MOMMY."

"WHAAAAAA! Don't take my Godzilla, Daddy! PLEEEEEEEEEASE! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll be good! WHAAAAA!"

"Honey, I won't take any of your toys if you just let me talk to Mommy!"
"She's gone! Are you still gonna take away all my toys and my Godzilla forever?"

"Matthew, Mommy can't be gone. She wouldn't leave you all alone."
"MOMMY! MOMMY! See, Dad? She's gone. Can I keep my Godzilla now?"
"Yes. But where did Mommy go?"

"She went...um...she went to...she...um...let's see...she went to...um...I forgot. G'bye..."

"WAIT! WAIT A MINUTE! Is Mommy working in the garden? ... Washing her car? ... Hanging up clothes? ... Taking out the garbage?"

"No...no...no...Yes! She's taking out the garbage. Okay, Dad? Oh! Here she comes. Iloveyoubye!" (Click.)

Dial, dial, busy signal. Dial, dial, busy signal. Dial, dial, ring, ring. Thank God.

"Yes, it's true, you have reached the home of Michael, Deborah, and Matthew Burkett. Please leave your message at the sound of the beep."

Beep!
"Hello, Mrs. Burkett? This is Mr. Lipkin at Brains `R' Us. I'm just calling to let you know that the organ you ordered for your child is on back order. But as soon as one comes in, we'll give you a call. Heh heh." (Click.)

 
My Voice Nation Help
 
Phoenix Concert Tickets
Loading...