Style Counseling

How to get musically postmodern without really trying

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE HIPSTERS Want to impress your friends with your knowledge of alternative music? When talking up the new releases, don't drop names like Hoodoo Gurus, Squeeze or any other band that comes straight from Billboard's Modern Rock Tracks chart. That's too easy. If you want to come off like a true cutting-edge connoisseur, then you've gotta rattle off some of the really weird shit.

But maybe you're not up on the beyond-alternative music scene. No problem. Just recite the following spiel the next time you're cornered by some smug hipster and you'll more than be able to hold your own: "Have you checked out Alice Donut's killer debut album, Bucketsfull of Sickness and Horror? It's almost as cool as the new single by Bongwater, `You Don't Love Me Yet.' Speaking of singles, you've got to get `Stainless Steel Providers' by the Revolting Cocks. It's their best record since You Goddamned Son of a Bitch!

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