ROCK OF AGEDGOLDEN OLDIES RAISE CANE!

Yo! Sun City! Get ready to rock 'n' roll!
That hip-swiveling sound is bound to move next door any day now, and there's nothing you can do to keep it out.

No, we're not talking about the Rolling Stones' Steel Wheelchairs tour stopping at the Sundome. We're referring to the very real possibility of Elvis moving to Sun City. The King was spotted recently celebrating his 55th birthday with a Whopper and fries at the Burger King inside the Las Vegas Riviera. And just as surely as he lives, Elvis is officially old enough to reside in Sun City.

So, for that matter, are a heap of other rock 'n' roll pioneers. No matter how hard they've tried to die before they got old, Johnny Cash, James Brown, Chuck Berry, and countless other rockin'-chair rollers have all passed the Sun City age barrier.

Just so you can watch out for these falling rock stars, we've compiled a chart full of fun facts about your potential neighbors--name, age, arrest records, et cetera. As you'll find out, these new kids on the old block are as peppy as ever, uniquely qualified to keep up with the active pace of Sun City life.

For instance, James Brown was able to steer his way through not one, but two states to avoid ardent followers recently. Just imagine James in a golf cart! Or picture J.B. sparring in the Sun City Silver Gloves tournament. Along with former fellow boxers Bo Diddley and Screamin' Jay Hawkins, the grandfather of soul would finally get the chance to take up his favorite hobby again.

Now that these fellows are all 55 and older, time is on their side. Aging rockers don't have to ingest PCP or shrivel up and die anymore. They can just move to Sun City instead.

categories of cells

Name

Age

Prior alcohol or drug usage

Drug-related brushes with authority

Other brushes with authority

Boxing or martial arts experience

Questionable song

Elvis Presley

55

Pills

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Eighth-degree black belt in karate

"Kissin' Cousins"

Sonny Bono

55

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In 1965, was barred at the door of New York's Americana Hotel for dressing like a hippie

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"I Got You Babe"

Johnny Cash

58

On the road in 1961, began to rely heavily on booze and drugs and hung out with bohemian folkies in New York's Greenwich Village

In 1963, was jailed one night for crossing the Mexican border with a guitar case full of uppers

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"A Boy Named Sue"

Carl Perkins

58

Alcohol and pills

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"Pink Pedal Pushers"

James Brown

57

PCP

Has been arrested
several times for drug use

Released April 12 from prison after serving fifteen months of a concurrent six-year prison sentence in Georgia and South Carolina for aggravated assault, weapons violations and failing to stop for police during a two-state chase. Is now locked up nights and weekends at a minimum-security facility. As a delinquent teenager, spent time in a state industrial school.

Former boxer

"Get Up, I Feel Like Being a Sex Machine"

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

60

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Former boxer

"I Put a Spell on You"

Ray Charles

59

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In 1966, was convicted on charges of heroin and pot possession and was slapped with a five-year suspended sentence and a $10,000 fine

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"Let's Go Get Stoned"

Chuck Berry

63

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Spent time in prison from 1962 to 1964 after conviction on a charge of transporting a minor across a state line for immoral purposes. In 1979, spent four months in jail for income-tax evasion.

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"My Ding-a-Ling"

Ike Turner

58

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In 1988, was sentenced to a year in the slammer for possessing and transporting cocaine

In 1976, arrested for rigging equipment to avoid paying for long-distance calls

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"I Want to Take You Higher"

Bo Diddley

61

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Former boxer

"Mona (I Need You Baby)"

FROM SIN CITY TO SUN CITY? An exclusive list of rock stars and their eligibility dates:

Bill Wyman, October 24, 1991
Frankie Avalon, September 18, 1994
Gary Glitter, May 8, 1995
Ringo Starr, July 7, 1995
Bob Dylan, May 24, 1996
Brian Wilson, June 20, 1997
Iggy Pop, April 21, 2002
Ozzy Osbourne, December 3, 2003
Peter Frampton, April 22, 2005
Dee Dee Ramone, September 18, 2007
Rat Scabies, July 30, 2012
Morrissey, May 22, 2014
Madonna, August 16, 2014
Jon Bon Jovi, March 2, 2017
Debbie Gibson, August 31, 2025

run this blurb at end of first leg of type, preceded by a hairline rule.
Thanks, cj

Sources for chart include Rock Movers and Shakers and the Book of Rock Lists.

SEE WORLD NOSING AROUND THE DOWAGER OF D... v5-23-90

 
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