GONZP, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

". . . I couldn't help myself. I had sex with this table, because it was so attractive. . . ." (Further description, mumbled incoherently.) ". . . I ate some more acid and then went down to the front desk. I told the clerk, 'I want that table. Just put it on my bill.'

"And the guy says, 'The table's not for sale. We aren't in the furniture business.'

"I said, 'You don't understand. I'm going to take it. I'm being very responsible. I want you to put it on my bill.'"
(Almost incoherent mumble about verbal fight with the desk clerk and how Bob Culligan, a buddy from Louisville now living in Durango, would loan him cash to pay for it.)

"So the next day, I loaded it on this Lear jet to Aspen with four peacocks I bought there and flew home. And now I owe Bob $509 for the table because that was the price they put on it.

"If he hadn't paid, they would've had a bench warrant out for me."
The long story left everyone feeling slightly uncomfortable. Acid? Sex with tables? Peacocks on a Lear jet? He didn't learn that stuff at the Castlewood Athletic Club. . . .