TONY'S IS GASPING; A SCORPION SPEAKS

SCREED

S: Which country has the best-looking girls?
Herman: The States.
S: Aw, yer just saying that. Herman: No, it's true, because you live there, you don't notice it. S: But aren't there a lot of beautiful women in Germany? Herman: Ooo, boy! They're everywhere, let's face it.

S: Will there be 24 more years of the Scorpions?
Herman: Hey. I don't know. As long as we're healthy and we feel good, why not? If people get tired of us, we'll stop playing.

Record and Play: What with the Dead coming to town, I thought it might be appropriate to mention this interesting little publication: Taper's Quarterly, "The Magazine of Live Music and Concert Taping," a unique rag out of San Francisco that's published four times per year. And it's devoted to, well, the name says it.

Other than predictable stuff like tape reviews (audio and video), Quarterly offers informative, readable interviews with a broad range of artists: Todd Rundgren, Ohio Players, G.C. Cameron, and the Posies in issue No. 4. Now, before you start screaming at me for promoting a practice that takes money out of artists' pockets, be aware that Quarterly is based on the credo that "the trading of unauthorized material is condoned so long as there is no form of compensation," and goes so far as to say: "Don't buy bootlegs!"

Ironically, there is this statement written on the mag's masthead: "Taper's Quarterly MAY NOT be reproduced, in whole or part, without written permission of the publisher." Send $10 for four issues to 1726 Sacramento Street, San Francisco, CA 94109-3643. Go See: Wild horses couldn't keep me from catching the Mavericks Friday at Toolies Country. I'm going even if I have to pay to get in, dammit. Call 272-3100. If you feel like driving to Tucson, Jawbox should make it worth your while. The band plays Thursday at the Downtown Performance Center. Call 1-602-628-1650. Go Hear: The fabulous Meat Puppets will be guests on the Studio Zone with Mary McCann Monday at 10 p.m. That's on KZON-FM 101.5. And here's a snatch of poop on the show: The Pups are gonna do a Marty Robbins tune, "Big Iron." Go Look: Local folks Beats the Hell Out of Me are signed to Metal Blade Records, which you may know. The band also has the best promotional band photo I've ever seen. Which you may not know.

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