THE BEST OF FIFE

Best nickname: Hands down, "His Pale Badness" (New Times). Honorable mentions go to "The Fifester," "Sir Fire-a-Lot," "Vanilla Fife," "Jumpin' Jack Fife," "Fi-Fi," "Governor Three Sticks" (irate Native Americans), "J. Fife White Guy III" (Tucson Weekly).

Best physical description of "His Pale Badness": In a recent profile, wordsmith Charles Kelly of the Arizona Republic wrote, "Fife Symington, though his forebears are Scottish, has the white-blond hair, the bonfire eyebrows and the sun-flushed, translucent skin of a Teutonic knight."

Best thing that could happen to journalism in Arizona: Fife wins again!