By Lauren Wise
By Anthony Sandoval
By New Times Staff
By Chris Parker
By Glenn BurnSilver
By Lauren Wise
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Chase Kamp
Look no further than the Six Million Dollar Man! Sure, this Peter Pan-issued Xmas album has no involvement from Lee Majors or anyone connected to the hit TV series, but it does have some really bad actors reading the parts as if they were auditioning for the next Hooked on Phonics cassette. The album contains no carols, just "4 Exciting Christmas Adventures." On "The Elves' Revolt," an evil shop steward named Relic gets Santa's little helpers all riled up and ready to strike three days before Christmas Eve. That's just a smoke screen for his real caper--melting the polar ice cap and turning the North Pole into one great big puddle! When Colonel Steve Austin and OSI boss Oscar Goldman spot Santa leaving his workshop, the Six Million Dollar Man proves that almost none of the money went toward procuring him a serviceable brain.
Steve: [to Santa] Who are you?
Santa: What's the world coming to? Is TV destroying everything? I repeat. I am a fat old man. I have a white beard and a warehouse full of toys. And this is the North Pole.
Steve: Oscar, there really is a Santa Claus.
Oscar: They'll never believe this in Washington.
Santa: Ho ho ho! They'll believe anything in Washington. Could we strike a deal on some Bionic Man dolls? I think it would really strike up business.
Lastly, with The Beatles Live at the BBC striking up a lot of business this year, it won't be long 'til the Beatles Christmas Album belongs to everyone. No, you won't find it anywhere cheap, but it's worth mentioning as "overlooked" even if it's the most bootlegged Christmas recording in history. Each year, the Beatles would send fan-club members a flexi-disc of the Fabs yukking it up, occasionally screwing up a carol and thanking the fans for a wonderful year. By 1966, the boys abandoned the usual "thank you" format and scripted a series of bizarre, Monty Pythonesque skits. The 1967 recording contained snippets of an original song credited to all four Beatles titled "Christmas Time Is Here Again." By 1968 and '69, the Christmas greeting mirrored the group's disintegration, with each Beatle recording his message separately. An album containing all of these was issued to the fan club in 1970 but has yet to appear officially.
Maybe next year, this and other overlooked gems will be sitting, digitally remastered, under your tree. So be good, for goodness sake.
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