Sammy decides to push the envelope even further by singing a salute to that other heroin capital of the world, namely "Amsterdam." All the while he's maintaining he's only there trying to "score some Panama red," it's more likely he's there to procure some duty-free Minoxidil. Kurt Cobain's suicide note said his reason for offing himself was that he hated his job. It's possible he just hated being in the same profession with buffoons like Van Halen, who peddle the same crappy recording year after year and think that guitar chops alone will carry the day. These Van Halen brothers will never again make a recording as good as "Ice Cream Man," unless they wake up and ditch Hagar the Horrible for Iggy Pop. Or better yet, Handsome Dick Manitoba. Heck, I'd even settle for Fabio!--Serene Dominic

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