SIR CHARLES' GUIDE TO THE VALLEY'S WILD SIDE

Hi, NBA fans! I'm Chuck Barkley, and I own this town. New Times asked me to do this guide for the folks who are pouring in to Phoenix for the big All-Star show. Hope you dig it. Party hard, and don't spit on anyone!

EAST VAN BUREN STREET For those of you who didn't bring your own, this funky downtown street might do the trick. But heads up, guys! My good friend Joe Arpaio and his Whore Hunters are on the loose, and they're dying to bust your ass!

REPUBLIC & GAZETTE BUILDING My publicist, David Casstevens, maintains an office here.

THE HEARD MUSEUM I guess they named this joint after my pal Gar.
MAJERLE'S BAR Danny's got a great place (major babes), but I wouldn't want to eat here.

BUDDY RYAN'S BAR There's a winner in town. Just ask him. And the three other people inside this joint.

THE CAMELBACK CORRIDOR Me and Madonna hung here before The Worm turned.
VETERANS' MEMORIAL COLISEUM The House that Roby Built.
AMERICA WEST ARENA My House. I let my valet, Jerry, have an office here.

HOOTERS
Hooters.

WEISS GUYS CAR WASH (nine locations)
Where I get my head waxed.
HONEY BEAR'S BARBECUE These brothers be bad.
URBAN SPRAWL Three-point land.

SCOTTSDALE
Where MJ plays ball. Where I play golf. Where people are always trying to screw with me at night.

ADAMS STREET Named after Alvan.
MARICOPA COUNTY SUPERVISOR'S OFFICE Home of Jerry's Kids.
GOOD SAMARITAN HOSPITAL Here I am, visiting a nice, terminally injured kid named KJ.

KFYI
My political soul mate Rush is on the radio here. He says I can be governor in a few years.

NEW TIMES BUILDING Thanks to everyone here for helping me with this. Jerry says to tell you he's a big fan, too.