HISTORY REPEATS HISSELFTO OUTSELL THRILLER, MICHAEL JACKSON SELLS HIMSELF AND HIS FANS SHORT

"Childhood (Theme From Free Willy 2)" is HIStory's nadir, sung in the whitest voice Jackson can muster--not altogether different from Eddie Murphy's impersonation of Elvis singing about lemonade. Equal parts "Ben" and "What Kind of Fool Am I," it laments "the painful childhood I've had." No one's doubting he's had it bad, bad, really, really bad, but let the words stand alone, for crying out loud. The crocodile tears he sheds at the song's close are as hokey and pathetic as the ones at the end of "She's Out of My Life." And one waterworks display per two-CD set is quite sufficient, thank you.

"Tabloid Junkie" covers the same ground as "Leave Me Alone"--the fact that the tabloids print nothing but lies about him. It's all pretty hypocritical coming from the guy who personally planted items about himself sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber and trying to buy the Elephant Man's bones. Jackson himself drew up the Wacko Jacko blueprints--can you blame the Star and English tabloids like the Daily Mirror for wanting to run with it?

Speaking of jolly ol' England, the gigantic statue of Jackson commissioned especially for HIStory was floated up and down the Thames on an ocean liner last week. This was Jackson's way of thumbing what's left of his nose at the Brits, who've stopped buying his recordings in droves since Dangerous. Will the rest of the world follow Britain's lead and boycott the boy king? Will there be a HIStory Book 2 filled with lesser Jackson hits like "P.Y.T." and "Out of the Closet," and new material again robbed of the chance to stand on its own merits? Will people be left waiting for a sequel like they were with Stevie Wonder's Original Musiquarium I? Stay tuned, same Wacko time, same Wacko channel.