Paging Bull

So how did a lowly employee's name find itself onto a lease agreement co-signed by the owner? Beats JJ, who insists, "Believe me, I don't recall [that lawsuit]."

For the present, JJ's far more interested in his ongoing legal battle against Home Box Office.

"HBO, they want [to give me] a settlement right now, but I'm not ready," he explains. "Money is not everything in life. To get money and walk out is not everything. I want [HBO] to do something about it to show to the public that this was not me. I want something to do with the TV--they're to go on the air and say it was all a mistake."

Mistake or not, JJ's attorneys must ultimately prove that JJ was somehow damaged by the mix-up. That's why the lawyers are currently looking for witnesses--willing to swear, under oath--that the documentary changed their impression of JJ for the worse.

The lawyers may have their work cut out for them. Thanks to their client's clownish persona, should this case ever come to trial, it's a toss-up whether it'll belong on Court TV or Comedy Central.

For what it's worth, the King of Beepers can take consolation in one fan's fervent belief that his idol is incapable of perpetrating the atrocities attributed to him in the documentary.

"JJ rough up a hooker?!" asks the disbelieving fan, a thirtysomething graphic designer. "Nah, JJ would never do that--that's not his style."

The fan smiles. "What JJ would do is make her put on a red bikini and straddle a giant beeper.