By Amy Silverman
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By Chris Parker
By Michael Lacey
By Weston Phippen
Just for the record, if Anyone out there is listening, I'm all for Vassula. Okay, God?
Here are a few intimate details about Jesus:
He has dimples.
"That's right," says Ryden. "The picture that I like very much, that He is very similar to, is the picture of the shroud with the open eyes. That's the way I see Him, only that the eyes are light blue. Very transparent."
What does His voice sound like?
"Well, I can't explain things like that. It's very touching."
Does He speak with an accent?
"No, He can speak with any language," Ryden states. "When He speaks English, He speaks English, you know? He speaks it to me because it is the language I know best to write, and now and then He gives me some words in Greek, which is my own language. And when He does that, I feel somehow He is more one of my family."
There is a lot of fire and brimstone in Ryden's messages, enough to make Jesus seem, to me, somewhat frightening.
"Oh, no," she assures me. "He's got a sense of humor. Perfect holy humor."
Does He tell jokes?
"No, but He says the words that you feel in your heart that is humor. Like for instance, He teases in a way that you like it very much. He winked at me once, and that made me really jump with happiness. Another time I was in the kitchen trying to eat something very quickly, I was preparing to go for writing, and I was talking to myself and I said, 'I'm starved!' And then I heard Him say, 'For my word?'"
What are His tastes in music?
"I never liked classical music, I thought it was boring and dull before my conversion," she says. "When I was converted, I was traveling from Denmark to Bangkok, and I had the earphones on. I took them off, and I heard my angel speak to me, and He said, 'I want you to listen to some classical music.'
"So I put it on classical, and He said, 'I am offering you this piece.' And it was Schubert, and while I heard it, I fell in love with it. And since then, my whole system changed from the pop music that I loved to classical, and I can't stand to hear any more pop music. I realized that this must be music from God, and I thought, 'Why not?' Angels are singing in heaven, and they aren't singing you pop music, they are singing classical. So I asked Jesus, and He said, 'Yes, people like Mozart or Schubert or people who compose good music, this is a gift from me."
But what about the Beatles?
"Well, I don't know . . ."
Ryden says that God has told her that He will continue to dictate to her until "the end of [her] life on Earth. What Christ wants me to do is to propagate His message, and bring the people to recognize God in an intimate way. Not just have Him in the distance. It is very important in our Christian life, to have communication with God from our heart."
This is extremely important, Ryden claims, as the End of Times is near.
"The End of Times is the end of one epoch, and we are at the end of the apostasy that was predicted by Saint Paul. . . . It is really bad now with so many young people joining satanic sects. After the End Times, God promises us the new heavens and the new Earth, which will be the era when the Holy Spirit will be extremely powerful.
"The Devil is doing his best to create confusion in the church, to create havoc and upheaval. And I always tell people you should beware with friends, with groups that surround you. If you start realizing that there's some sort of confusion, be sure to stop everything, keep quiet and go home and forget about what's happening. Because after confusion will come disputes, and the disputes will lead you into division. That's what he wants to do. Divide, divide, divide. He wants to divide family, divide friends, divide the church, divide Christ's body."
And besides, who are you going to trust--someone who throws lava into your eyes, or a guy who has dimples and a sense of humor?