Best of Fife Vol. II

Fife has done much in — and to — Arizona. We've been keeping track

Best Faulty Memory: Fife
Famous for his grasp of details, Symington suddenly can't recall much about those financial statements when he takes the stand.

Best Reluctant Witness Who Got a State Job:
James Cockerham
Can you blame The Symington Company's former chief financial officer for being reluctant to testify against his boss? Fife gets him cushy state jobs after the real estate empire capsizes--first in the Governor's Office of Strategic Planning and Budgeting and now as Director of Finance for the state's health-care program for poor people--AHCCCS.

Best Nearly Deaf Judge With a Lifelong Tenure on the Federal Bench:
Judge Roger B. Strand
During the trial, Judge Strand frequently cups his ears and bellows "I can't hear you" to lawyers making motions. Then, sometimes without ruling on the motion, he barks: "Let's move along."

Best Witness:
Thomas Washburne
The lawyer for Fife's deceased mother, Martha Frick Symington, testifies that Fife hit up his Mama when she was alive for $3.5 million in a three-year period--including a year and a half that Fife was Guv. In 1992, Washburne chastises Fife in a letter for being a spendthrift: "Your mother simply cannot continue these advances," Washburne writes, noting that Fife and Ann have living expenses of about $600,000 annually--while their income is only $300,000. "Some kind of Project Slim for the family is clearly in order," Washburne writes.

Best Jury Verdict in the History of Jurisprudence: Fife's
Fife's convicted of defrauding Valley National Bank two times, defrauding a Japanese bank four times and a group of union pension funds once.

Best Farewell: Fife's Post-Conviction Resignation Speech
Fife makes it sound as though, for the good of the state, he's gracefully bowing out to "enter private life."

Best Spin by the Vanquished:
John Dowd
Tells reporters, "If this were a football game, we'd be home and won." Yeah, and the Arizona Cardinals won the Super Bowl last year.

Best Antidotes for Fifitis:
David Schindler, John Dougherty, Mike Manning

Best Faux Pas: Fife's Letter of Resignation
He writes to Secretary of State Jane Dee Hull: "It has been my pleasure to have served."

Earth to Fife: You're not done serving.

Best Suggested Prison Name for Fife: "Laverne"

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