By Amy Silverman
By Olivia LaVecchia
By Monica Alonzo and Stephen Lemons
By Chris Parker
By Michael Lacey
By Weston Phippen
Keester: To hide contraband in the rectum. Prisoners keester money, drugs and even shanks.
Kit: Items for taking drugs.
Laying the Track: Having sex.
Monster: HIV. "He has the Monster."
Safe: Women prisoners may hide contraband in the "safe" (vagina).
Q: Hey, I'll bet you can't use all those terms in a sentence.
A: He was laying the track with an all-day monster fish catcher, dreaming of a safe place, when a badge says his billy dump truck was caught with a keestered kit.
Q: Hey, this has been educational. Anything else the Fifester should know?
A: Well, Harold S. Long, who wrote a book titled Surviving In Prison closed it with this advice:
"Confront your weaknesses, build them strong, and rise up from the oppressions you are about to endure, and know that the strong will survive and return with greater wisdom."
Q: Do think Fife will learn his lesson?
A: No, but maybe he'll learn to play the harmonica.