The Trashman

Where unit-shifting heroes of rock are exposed as the passionless poseurs they really are

When Power Station made videos that M(oribund)TV would play, I suffered through the indefensible T. Rex hatchet job Power Station did and imagined Marc Bolan's head coming back for vengeance--just how appalling to see my sixth-grade math teacher trying to deny his sexless persona by associating with the coke-twin Taylors. Abominable. Avoid, seriously, folks.

Billy Joel
Greatest Hits Volume III
(Columbia Records)

Man, I may live in a trailer park and be bummed out, underfed, overread, terminally malcontent and jaded a good portion of the time. Maybe I let Henry Miller, Hemingway (Margaux), Hepburn (Audrey) and Rat Pack-era Peter Lawford have their way with me. I may drop the ball on anything good that ever happens to me, but God forbid if I was ever, ever helium-headed enough to buy into the myth that is Billy Joel.

This is Billy Joel. This is Greatest Hits Volume III (!) on which he has the gall to include both a Leonard Cohen and a Bob Dylan song. This is the man in whose image Michael J. Fox was made. What else do you need?

Night Ranger
Neverland
(Sony/Legacy Records)

Just the existence of Night Ranger is penance enough for all of our sins. Jesus Christ on a crutch! By track three of this thing, I had it out of the player and nailed into my faux-paneled wall next to my crucifix. Redemption, baby.

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