Mick & Me

Creepy parallel lives

Spring 1978: Mick incurs the wrath of the Reverend Jesse Jackson for the song "Some Girls," which asserts that "black girls just want to get fucked all night." I try to pick up a black girl at a Rainbow Coalition caucus. I suppress the urge to write a song titled "Black Girls Just Want to Say No All Night."

December 13, 1981: Upper deck, east side of Sun Devil Stadium. A very pretty blonde is in front of me, stoned on mushrooms. She ends up in Playboy and is now very prominent in Phoenix media. On "Honky Tonk Women," a gaggle of Phoenix women comes onstage and dances in saloon-girl costumes. One of them used to sell ads for New Times. When I ask her what it was like to be backstage, she tells me, "Mick says to say hi." I roll my eyes.

1984: Although George Orwell's horrific vision does not come to pass, I realize that if we have a nuclear war, the only two things that will survive are bugs and Keith Richards.

1986: Jagger refuses to tour with the Stones. Charlie Watts allegedly punches Mick in the snout for saying, "Where's my drummer?" Charlie replies, "I'm not your drummer. You're my singer."

Once Gordan Smith, our rhythm guitar player, says to me, "Where's our drummer? Where's our singer? We have neither." I think he was kidding (although he did take a swing at me).

November 1997: I ask my kids if they want to go see the Rolling Stones. They roll their eyes.

Mega-Dittos From Bixlow, Arizona, Mick!
Q: You once said that you didn't want to be singing "Satisfaction" when you were 42.

A: No, I certainly won't.
Mick Jagger, 1978, interviewed in Rolling Stone

Even More Spooky Similarities Between The Stones' Jagger and a Stoned Laggard!

*Mick calls Marianne Faithfull and Michelle Phillips and asks them to have a sexual tryst before he takes the stage at Altamont. I've wanted to have sex with Marianne Faithfull and Michelle Phillips for years.

*Mick says his first wife was some kind of royalty in Nicaragua. My first wife was some kind of royal pain in the ass.

*Trash journalist Geraldo Rivera claims he was at a party when Mick and Mikhail Baryshnikov dance right up to him in the kitchen and try to make a love sandwich out of his buns. I later have a similar experience at an Arizona Press Club bash when Bill Close and Kent Dana squeeze up against me in the drink line.

*Mick loves the Wild West. So do I. He had a son he named Jesse James Jagger. I have a son I wanted to name Wyatt (as in Earp), but my wife wouldn't let me.

Some Girls
One thing you gotta say about Mick and me, we're both consistent with women.

Time Is Not on My Side:
Even though I'm pushing the wrong side of 50, I still play in a band. Just like Mick.

The weekend before last, the Zonies and I play at the Mineshaft in Cave Creek. It is a gas. We rip through our 16-song set list (seven by the Stones), and I do my best Mick Jagger, strutting, pumping, singing and shouting, and I must say, I feel very young and virile. In my mind, I am Mick. Unfortunately, someone videotapes the gig, and when I have the misfortune to view it, I realize I look a whole lot more like Gabby Hayes. Just like Mick!

Well, here we are, both back in Phoenix, doing what we do best. He's making a fool of himself on stage. Me, I'm driving a taxi and getting stoooooooo.... No, wait! Wrong artist and song analogy. I'm making a fool of myself again in New Times.

You can stop rolling your eyes now.

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