The Trashman

Where unit-shifting heroes of rock are exposed as the passionless poseurs they really are

Vindication, baby.

Trashman's Worst of 1997, or Suggested Stocking Stuffers for Insufferable Simpletons:

1. Warrant
'86-'97 Live
(CMC International)

"All the Hits," reads the sticker attached to the shrink wrap of Warrant's latest release, on which newly corpulent crooner Jani Lane asks midway through this set: "Are you ready to rock?" Huh?

One's ears are not crossing any borders during '86-'97 Live, which is a pastiche of live recordings burped out by faded oracles of pomp rock, whose musical talent for neutralizing the spirit-raising effects of rock 'n' roll is unequaled in the music business. Get it?

2. Queensryche
Hear in the New Frontier
(EMI Records)

Lyrics with silly, sixth-grade sidewalk slogans, pompous Descartes references and unresearched, two-bit social commentary mixed musically with wank-guitar musing and leftover prog prat is but buffalo poop. And if that blows your skirt up, then, well . . .

3. Oasis
Be Here Now
(Epic Records)

Of course, the members of Oasis, being the forthright R-N-R statesmen that they are, completely miss the point, don't they? Arrogance is their stock in trade, and that is why they get away with making the same album three times, each worse than the previous. Blah.

4. Silverchair
(Epic Records)
I didn't even listen to this, and I still hated it.

5. Journey
Trial by Fire
(Columbia Records)

The quack-rock practitioners of Journey return for another round of whitewashed pop pap, but profoundly (and beautifully) fail to relive those feeble, feathered-hair days of yore.

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