Flashes

Until then, everthin's perfeck.

Fimea Culpa
Last week's Flashes contained a sampling of dream/nightmare juxtapositions penned by Phoenix Newspaper Inc. writers in the past year. One of those wordsmiths, Mike Fimea, was kind enough to respond.

Dear Flash:
How nice to see my name mentioned today in that grammatically challenged pile of sheep dip that you call a column. Now I know that I've truly made it in this town.

So . . . when are you going to stop downloading Internet porn long enough to write a legitimate story? Your act can't last forever, you know. One of these days a New Times editor is actually going to read your work, and you'll be back to pasting up titty-bar ads for a living.

Love, Mike
Allow the Flash to correct a misimpression:
You haven't made it, Mike. You work for the Arizona Business Gazette.

Or, put another way, Mike Fimea's dream of a career in journalism has devolved into a nightmare.

Odds, Shmodds
Odds are, Senator John McCain will run for president in 2000. But will he win his party's nomination? Not likely, according to Campaigns and Elections magazine, which posts odds on its Web site, www.camelect.com/oddsmaker.html.

The magazine rates McCain's chances at a GOP nod at 40:1, or a 2.5 percent chance he'll get the nomination. The mag's take on Humble John: "Wants it, and is getting around. But the campaign finance reform issue hasn't been the rocket he had hoped. As Ross Perot said: Only in America could one of the Keating 5 be considered a reformer!"

The oddsmaker gave McCain a much better shot--1:3--at reelection to the Senate this November.

Meanwhile, a profile of Humble John in the July 19 Philadelphia Enquirer Sunday magazine speaks to his volcanic temper. The piece, written by Edwin Chen, opens:

"Johnny [McCain] was still in diapers when he began to black out, occasionally crashing to the floor from a couch or chair.

"Eventually, doctors delivered a diagnosis that at once reassured and confounded Jack and Roberta McCain. Their son's bouts of unconsciousness were self-induced, the doctors said. When he got especially mad, Johnny would hold his breath until he passed out.

"Their prescription was equally unorthodox: Fill up a tub with cold water. Next time, dunk him in it--clothes and all."

So the purple-faced rages that Senate colleagues have seen are rooted in McCain's diaper days.

"Every time I lose my temper," McCain told Chen, "I regret it."
McCain's trail of apologies for uncontrolled public statements and temper tantrums stretches from Arizona to Washington, even to the White House. But, after expressing regret for one incident, McCain can't or won't control his outbursts.

Unfortunately, nowadays, McCain's mom and dad aren't around to throw him into a tub of cold water.

For the latest on our snowy-haired presidential wanna-be, check out "Running John: New Times' Field Guide to the John McCain Campaign Trail," on our Web site at www.phoenixnewtimes.com.

Feed the Flash: voice, 229-8486; fax, 340-8806; online, flash@newtimes.com