By Melissa Fossum
By Lauren Wise
By New Times
By Amanda Savage
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Troy Farah
By New Times
To sleep better at night, I suggest the Goo Goo Dolls put aside a bit of this Top 40 cash for the children of Johnny Thunders.
#91. George Michael, Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael (Epic): Cocksure English queen and a career relaunching song courtesy of doughy, overmothered white boys with bong slouches is what spells the American Top 40 these days, Casey.
T. = MEANS THEY HAD HAIR TRANSPLANTS
E. = MEANS THEY HAVE HAIR EXTENSIONS
W. = MEANS THEY HAVE A COMPLETELY FULL FUNCTIONAL WIG
B. = MEANS THEY ARE BALD AS A CUE BALL, SLICK AND SMOOTH
H. = MEANS THEY WEAR A HEAD BAND/HAT AND ARE TRYING TO HIDE IT
More than one symbol means they have a combo thing going on!
Some of these people might not be currently wearing wigs, but they have been known to wear wigs in the past.
PAUL STANLEY/KISS = W. (TOTAL WIG SINCE THE EARLY 80's, AT LEAST)
GENE SIMMONS/KISS = T.E. (HE'S NOT AS BUMMED AS PAUL IS BUT HAS HAD SOME WORK DONE)
JANI LANE/WARRANT = T. (USED TO HAVE A WIG IN THE "HEAVEN" VIDEO) BRET MICHAELS/POISON = T.H. (USED TO HAVE EXTENSIONS AND HAS SOME SHIT WORKED ON UP THERE)
DAVID LEE ROTH = E.T. (DAVE'S HAD QUITE A BATTLE WITH THE FOLLICLES)
MICK MARS/MOTLEY CRUE = W. (AWESOME ELVIRA WIG, PERFECT FOR ANY HALLOWEEN)
KEVIN DUBROW/QUIET RIOT = W. (HE WAS 80-PERCENT BALD IN 1983 AND NOW LOOK!)
Windows of Heaven
Nothing can better describe this than the lyric from the Paul Kantner song titled "The Light":
"She awoke with a start from a dream of stars/'Let's talk metaphysics,' she said in her BVDs/She didn't need comfort, just some verbal intercourse/A dance around the Intelligence Tree."
Contact Bill Blake at his online address: firstname.lastname@example.org