By Melissa Fossum
By Lauren Wise
By New Times
By Amanda Savage
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Troy Farah
By New Times
Post Orgasmic Chill
For something as irredeemable as this, at least one moronic A&R dweeb had to have been overheard in some Virgin Records office crowing, "Seriously, this is the new Patti Smith Group, only updated. Dig it, this band's singer is a real poet, and she's bald!"
But the world really has no use for the failed songwriting ambitions of insufferable "rock" bands. But for those who must have their "cutting-edge" rock, look no further. At least the record is deserving of a gold star for title accuracy. (The Portrait of the Artist as a Serious Young Polysexual alert: The singer is some toothy, transgenderish thing that looks like a cross between Grace Jones and the crackhead from Diff'rent Strokes. What's more, she sings in a staccato chirp that makes Lene Lovich sound like Bobby Goldsboro.)
Appetite for Reconstruction:
A Tribute to Guns N' Roses
For once I am going to follow the advice I received in a letter a while back from some dude living in Oklahoma. He wrote, "Shitface -- Why do you say things that are intentionally negative? I suggest if you can't express anything positive then don't write at all."
But I will be kind enough to give you a partial listing of those contributing covers to this fabulous compilation. Quiet Riot's meritorious Kevin Dubrow tackles "Welcome to the Jungle"; über-slim Tamie Downe from Faster Pussycat gifts "It's So Easy"; L.A. Guns' Phil Lewis plunges into "My Michele"; Steve Rochelle, late of the perennially tough Tuff boons "You're Crazy"; and Steve Summers from those fun-loving debauchers Pretty Boy Floyd earmarks "Think About You."
Contact Bill Blake at his online address: firstname.lastname@example.org