Film Faux-Pop Stars

11. The Idolmaker (1980)

Ray Sharkey starred as Vincent Vacarri in this fictionalized account on the life of Bob Marcucci, a guy who made fake rock stars for real (Fabian and Frankie Avalon). Marcucci even served as the technical adviser, making damn sure his celluloid counterpart came off way cooler than his discoveries Caesare & Tommy Dee. All that's missing are the payola exchanges he would've needed to get Alan Freed to play shite like "It's Never Been Tonight Before."

11. Eddie and the Cruisers (1983)

Eddie says to his band, "I want something great. I want something that's never been done before!" Guess that something must be copying Bruce Springsteen. Note such em-Bossed tunes as "Boardwalk Angel," "On the Dark Side" and "Wild Summer Nights." The script kills off Eddie Wilson, but he makes a second film from beyond the grave -- Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives!. The career of the film's star Michael Paré and that of his song supplier, John Cafferty, have yet to emerge from the dark side.

12. Comeback (1982)

Yet another film about a washed-up, leather-pants-bustin' rock star. In a big acting stretch, it's real-life washed-up rock star Eric Burdon. Eric plays Rocco, a self-destructive has-been of John Norman Howard proportions, this time without a guardian angel like Streisand watching over him. All he has is a manager whose idea of a motivational pep talk is, "When you're dead, you're great." Songs include "The Road" and "Who Gives a Fuck."

13. Hearts of Fire (1987)

It's hard to know what's worse, Bob Dylan playing washed-up rock star Billy Parker -- a man who can't even trash a hotel room convincingly -- or watching Rupert Everett playing nauseating Eurotechno pop star James Colt. Worse, the movie seems a showcase for nobody rock diva Fiona, who screeches the kind of songs Jim Steinman eats and excretes for breakfast. Dylan contributes several Self Portrait-worthy songs ("The Usual," "Couple More Years") and lets Fiona yell at him like she's one of Cinderella's stepsisters. Maybe a better title for this film would've been her oft-uttered phrase, "What the fuck, James?"

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