Several Dog Night

At least nobody's demanding Geritol or Depends

In Kay's contract: "One small jar of honey, four whole lemons, six cans of Ultra-Slim Fast (assorted flavors)."

Phoenix will get off cheaply, relatively speaking, by having to pay The Association "only" $25,000. Formed in 1965, that band had a series of smash singles from 1966 to 1968, including "Along Comes Mary" -- an up-tempo homage to the joys of marijuana -- the insipid "Never My Love"; and the horribly catchy "Cherish."

By the time the '70s rolled around, The Association disassociated itself from the listening public.

Three Dog Night
Three Dog Night

The All-Music Guide wrote of the band's 1971 album From Waterbeds to Trinidad: "It proved to be a downhill trend from which The Association would never recover."

This incarnation of the band seems to get high these days on caffeine, not on "Mary." Its contract asks for "one 20-cup electric coffee urn."

And let's not forget the Rock 'N' Roll Army, bravely soldiering for a mere $70,000 on the big night.

This fossilized group includes: Chris "Call Me" Montez; Len "One-Two-Three" Barry; Billie J. "Do You Want to Know a Secret" Kramer; Frankie "Sea Cruise" Ford; and Tommy Roe. Each of these gentlemen is hovering at or older than 60. Bubblegummer Roe (he may just be a "gummer" these days) had the last hit of the lot, 1969's "Dizzy."

These "boys" apparently are easy to please: Their contract asks simply for some Cokes and bottled water and a deli platter. Also, the show's producers are to "provide one hot meal for Artists."

Finally, blessed are the Peacemakers, the one band on the list that seems determined to join the millennium party in style. From the contract of the pseudo-urban cowboys:

"Three cases of assorted beers, two bottles of tequila (Cuervo Gold or Petron), four bottles of Verve Cliquot Champagne," as well as the obligatory deli tray, assorted juices, chips and salsa and "20 assorted Power Bars."

How refreshing.

The Peacemakers will take home $15,000 for the gig.

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