By Melissa Fossum
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"You know, the negative stuff we're not really talking about," says an MCA Records PR flack prior to connecting me with Tommy Lee. "We are primarily focusing on Methods of Mayhem; the shows, the new record, Tommy and what he's worked for this record and what he's been through as far as recording it goes. I am going to be listening in on it [the interview]. And I'm sorry, so I hope you have enough questions as far as like the new music stuff."
"You've pretty much eliminated anything anybody cares about," I told her.
"Really?" she asked. She's simulating sincerity now, yet sounding drained from having to advocate this Methods of Mayhem nonsense.
"Yeah," I replied. I was ready to tell her to forget it. No PR flack should ever be allowed to sit in on interviews.
"Oh, okay. So you don't have any questions as far as, you know, Methods of Mayhem?"
If Tommy Lee is supposedly down with the ghetto street massive, a convicted wife-beater and Mötley Crüe dropout, doesn't that brand him a genuine tough guy? Is Lee really such a delicate doily he needs a chick PR flack to ride phone shotgun while he's interviewed by a skinny white boy who lives in a trailer park in Arizona?
She said if she couldn't listen in, there would be no interview.
"If you start talking about the record, you are gonna get a lot out of him. You start talking about Pamela, you know, it's not why we are here. It's not why he is doing interviews. If you want to do the interview, that's great. We want to do it. You know, we can take it from there. But I do have to listen in. Okay?"
Lee's vernacular alternates between sounding like playground talk of blowjobs, boobs and anal probes to an unfortunate subject of a Copsbloopers tape.
And in light of Lee's unit size -- as seen in the Tommy/Pamela sex tape -- his new "wiggers" (white guys with rap and ghetto envy) persona is a masterstroke of irony.
And the Crüe story is told to blue-faced death.
I figured, as I am sure the PR flack knew, Tommy was gonna hang himself with his own words. He did.
Bill Blake: "Are you pleased with how everything is going?"
Tommy Lee:"Yeah, I am actually fucking ecstatic, dude, I can't believe ..."
BB: "I knew you were going to say that, but are you really?"
TL: "I really didn't know what to expect. You know, it's a brand-new project and a brand-new band, so I prepared to completely start over. You know, which is reality, it's like, 'Dude, you're starting over, bro.'"
BB: "That's really impressive. Particularly considering what Fitzgerald said, that there are no second acts in life."
TL: "You know what? I consider myself really fucking, like, lucky. And I'm grateful. It's like, you know, very few artists ever really get a second opportunity to fuckin' do it again. And I'm like, man, I can't even fuckin' believe this is happening right now."
BB: "Most people that I know in their late 30s are bald, fat, they have a bad house in the suburbs, a speedboat maybe. They are divorced with kids and whatnot. You've seemed to have managed to sidestep all that."
TL: (Giggles) "I don't know how, bro. You know what, Danny from Nine Inch Nails, a friend of mine, guitar player, right? He always, fuckin' always, every time I talk to him, he's like, 'Man, muthafucka, you got a horseshoe up your ass. You are like a cat; you just keep landin' on your feet. How the fuck are you doin' that? Can I borrow the horseshoe, please?'"
BB: "Explain that."
TL: "You know what? I don't know. I really believe it's beyond.... Somebody out there is looking out after me; some power bigger than all of us is guiding me through this journey called life. And I'm just fuckin' hanging on, bro. I mean, a lot of times I really don't know. But when I go to bed at night, I fuckin', ah, I say 'thank you' many, many times."
BB: "Explain the song 'Proposition Fuck You' on your new record."
TL:"Ah, 'Proposition Fuck You.' That was actually inspired by a coupla my buddies called the Filthy Immigrants. These guys are like, man, 'You gotta have a song like this.' They're like, 'Dude, it is so perfect, ya know, coming from you.' You know, they believe, ah, you know, fuckin', I mean I am not sayin' 'fuck you' to, ah, it's not like a global thing. There's people, there were cops in my life who have treated me like a fuckin' piece of shit. And I didn't deserve to be treated that way. So I am not saying 'fuck you' to everybody. They know who they are. I hope that people don't take it the wrong way."
BB: "Do you feel any responsibility to the kids buying your new record?"
TL: "I don't want that responsibility. You can't be responsible for everybody all the time. I am only responsible for myself. I make music that makes me feel good. And you know what? There's nuttin' wrong with yelling 'fuck you' in the air. So many people like to do that. If anything, it's anger management techniques. It's healthy in a twisted way, you know?