Flashes 05-25-2000

The Guru to the Gaudy supposedly is negotiating a deal to have Paula Jones appear in the pages of Penthouse, though Jones' friends are concerned that it will hurt her reputation. Really.

The Mentor to the Meretricious also spent the dawn of the millennium in the hoosegow. Schmidt was indicted in late December on 10 counts of possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and violating a court order when he purchased a gun. Not long before that, he had been indicted for burglary and other charges involving a child custody dispute with his ex-wife.

Did the Flash mention that Schmidt is running for governor?

Should I Leave Room to Cream You?The counter staff of the Starbucks at Central and Adams is a pleasant mix of hip punksters and punk hipsters. We recently noticed that one of them -- a robust lass with dangerous tattoos and a bleach-blond flattop -- was sporting a big yellowing bruise across her cheek and jaw.

"Did she get mugged?" we asked.

"Sort of," her co-worker replied. "A homeless man asked her for money, but she didn't hear him and he hit her."

We began to express our concern, but it was as pointless as a decaf latté with nonfat milk.

"She beat the living snot out of him," the co-worker continued. "Then when he was on the ground, she threw a penny on top of him and said, "There's your money!'"

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