Hostage Crisis

Proof of Life kidnaps the audience, then tortures it to a slow death

Day 98: Terry gets Peter's ransom down to $600,000. Will gladly pay this to projectionist to end movie.

Day 139: Terry and Dino decide to free Terry and another hostage from prison camp. Before leaving, Terry and Alice share brief kiss. Only hint of romance between two in entire movie. Remind self to look up antonym of "sexy." Begin wondering if family misses me yet. Doubt it.

Day 143: Movie ends. Either that, or projectionist has passed out and forgotten to load 432nd reel of film. Look forward to hot shower and shave, good meal, long sleep. Realize movie was only two hours and 15 minutes. Reconsider career, life.

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