Candy Cane Mutiny

Rosie O’Donnell/Various Artists
Another Rosie Christmas (Columbia)

Although there's nothing as grisly as her duets with Elmo and Cher (from last year's A Rosie Christmas), O'Donnell's pairing with the Dixie Chicks on the I'm-dreaming-of-a-white-trash-Christmas anthem "Merry Christmas From the Family" -- the first carol ever to mention tampons, unless you count the sheep in "Away in a Manger" -- comes awfully close. And, if any of you kiddies still believe the "alt-rock" tag still holds some allure, peek into Rosie's snow-covered window and watch Smash Mouth and Sugar Ray's street credibility grind to a halt.
Rating: It's a regifter!

Christina Aguilera, or, as she's known on her new Christmas disc, X-tina. Either way, she's simply X-cruciating.

Lynyrd Skynyrd does Christmas: Looks like Santa's sleigh will be up on blocks in front of the trailer this year.

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More About

• Mambo Santa
• Rosie Christmas
• Michael Ball
• Linda Ronstadt
• Joni Mitchell

The Looney Tunes
Kwazy Christmas (Kid Rhino)

Politically correct child advisers will note that the compilers here chose to highlight and exploit Sylvester's speech impediment by giving him "Frosty the Snowman" to sing. The rest of us are left with the uneasy feeling that the guy doing the voices of Ren and Stimpy is now controlling old Bugs' and Elmer's vocal cords.
Rating: It's a regifter!

Mark Mothersbaugh
Joyeux Mutato (Rhino)

The concept? The brain trust behind Devo melts down old Christmas records on the Yule log and then turns them into annoying holiday Muzak. You say "mu-TAY-to," I say "mu-TAH-to," let's call the whole thing off!
Rating: It's a regifter!

Various Artists
Yule b’ Swingin’ Too! (Hip-O/Universal)

"Fads may come and fads may go," say the liner notes to this swing set. Translation: Universal has enough "real" swing music in the vaults from Satchmo, Benny Goodman and Louie Prima to ensure that no one on the payroll ever signs a "daddy," "voodoo" or "cherry" band ever again!
Rating: It's a keeper!

Various Artists
Mambo Santa Mambo: Christmas From the Latin Lounge (Rhino)

Lou Bega's "Mambo Number Five" may have killed off any desire to take a cha-cha-cha-chance on this Rhino set, but if you haven't had your fill of old school Latin artists like Esquivel, Hugo Winterhalter and Celia Cruz trying to work Santa, mama and the compromising mambo dance into as many songs as possible, this disc is perfect holiday fare. The one new track is "December Twenty 5" -- a parody of Lou Bega's lone hit -- courtesy of the Flashcats, who wrap up this festive platter with "A little bit of Rudolph, all night long . . ."
Rating: It's a keeper!