By Melissa Fossum
By Lauren Wise
By New Times
By Amanda Savage
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Troy Farah
By New Times
Showtime for both events is 10:30 p.m.
Take Cover: For those who've been in a cave recently, VH1's Cover Wars is a new game show where cover bands from across the nation compete in various contests of musical skill and manhood -- well, just musical skill, actually.
The program's second episode featured an exhilarating appearance from Tucson's own eccentric song stylists the Zsa Zsas. While the boys made a valiant effort at advancing to the semifinals, they were thwarted when celebrity judge and metal screamer Sebastian Bach gave them the shaft -- and when show officials failed to catch a rule violation by their competition.
A few days ago we received an e-mail from the Zsa Zsas' camp, and it's clear that front man Milos Sucrose (the Eastern European lounge lizard alter ego of Sand Rubies singer David Slutes) is still fuming from the band's run-in with Bach.
Though Sucrose speaks (and writes) in a broken English of Antonio Banderasian levels, we gathered that he was trying to alert us -- with his usual tact -- to the Zsa Zsas' upcoming show, a gala affair set for this week at Tucson's Rialto Theatre. His grammatically challenged missive follows:
Alright you noodlehead, listen carefully.
The Zsas Zsas are back and hosting Giant-Mega-Show Friday September 7th. It's biggest show we've ever done. I am not shitting you.
You see, we are big stars now. Very big stars. Remember that!
We are spending lots of money on expensive stupid props and surprise guests. We are moving over to Rialto Theatre so the whiners who complain that there is never enough room at our shows, will shut up. So shut up. We can fit a thousand of you mindless cows into that place. Bring your stupid friends.
So what will happen at this show? I'm not telling you! You must pay! But I will tease you with this:
We are showing rebroadcast of our appearance VH1 on Giant-Mega-Screen TV. We will show what really happened. Big controversy. Wait until you see this! Oh boy!
We are having Giant-Mega-Surprise guest. He's not cheap either!
We are having Free Tequiza Victory Toast for everybody who's old enough to drink.
Victory Piñata Bash
Sebastian Cach Lookalike Contest. I mean Sebastian Bach Lookalike Contest. Dress like Sebastian, Win Big prize.
We will be doing something that has never been done before by any act, anywhere. You will be involved.
The cost? Eight bucks if you buy in advance (at Zia Records). $10 at the door. I think you should pay more for this show. You in particular. Now go tell your dumb friends. Get to work!
P.S. We see many of you Phoenix Zsa people now on our mailing list. Ok. So don't wait for next Zsa Zsa Phoenix show. You come down for this one ok? Get a fleabag room at Hotel Congress across the street for the night and enjoy a few more Tequizas.
P.P.S. Yes, we really having Sebastian Bach lookalike Contest. Put on a blonde wig if you have to, wear your leathers, whatever.
With a bit of bleach and some skin-tight chaps, Bash & Pop feels he's a virtual shoo-in for the Bach look-alike contest. With that in mind, we urge all good Valley residents to head toward the naked pueblo this Friday for what's sure to be a once-in-a-lifetime event.