Haul the Dreck

"Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You" -- Billy Squier (20 years):

Another holiday hopeful stowed away on the backside of Billy's single "My Kind of Lover." It's ironic that a guy whose career was single-handedly destroyed by an embarrassing video (the douche chilling "Rock Me Tonight") should attempt to get a holiday hit by cramming the video with MTV jocks.

No magic: Kate Bush also failed the Xmas test.

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"Another Lonely Christmas" -- Prince (18 years):

In the '80s, few would stick their necks out with a holiday single. Instead, they would place it on a B-side so that it could stay on record retail shelves all year round. Thanks to Prince's B-sides CD, you probably own this literal flip side to "I Would Die 4 U." Here he berates his Apollonia six foot under for dying on Christmas and forever ruining the holidays. If this song ever caught on, think of how many people with their heads in the oven this holiday season would turn off the gas, just so as not to make the Purple One a bluer shade of violet!

"December Will Be Magic Again" -- Kate Bush (21 years):

Plain and simple why this one never caught on -- imagine carolers trying to sing it. Now imagine the paramedics trying to pump the helium out of their silly stomachs.

"Christmas Crush" -- Homegrown (5 years):

Although the cycle of nerd punk seems to have exhausted itself, I don't think we can ever hear someone whining "Santa get off my girlfriend" too many times.