Hearts, Penises and an Ass

Letters from the week of September 26, 2002

From the Heart

Heartfelt thanks: Thank you for the article you did on Dr. Teodori ("Prince of Hearts, Paul Rubin, September 19). He is a wonderful man and many people have been praying for him since his accident. He saved my niece in July of 2001 by repairing her heart when she was only six days old. She is now 14 months old and doing great. If you didn't know her history, you would never guess that she had a problem. Dr. Teodori was the only surgeon in Arizona who was willing to perform the complex surgery. I just hope he knows how many people care about him and wish him well. He has made a difference in so many people's lives, and we all are praying that he gets better.

Lori Duffy
Via e-mail

Doctor delightful: You really outdid yourself with the beautiful story on Dr. Michael Teodori. My wife read the story first, and she commented that it's the type of article that easily could have been really sappy and overdone. But it wasn't, not at all, though I will admit I started to get misty-eyed more than once as I raced through it. Congratulations!

Rob Braxton

Doctor Feelgood: I just wanted to express my delight with the article written about Dr. Teodori and a few of his heart patients. I'm close friends with Maya's mom and had expected the article. When I read it, it was apparent that the author spent a lot of research time and presented it very well. Of course, we are biased about Dr. Teodori, but the article was done very well. Thanks for printing it.

Sue Cancio

Body Language

Fueling the controversy: I applaud Amy Alkon for her attempt at doing something great for all of us ("Guys With Small Penises," Amy Alkon and Robert Nelson, September 12). Now, shut up.

If I examined every aspect of your life, I'm sure I could uncover some inconsistencies in your environmentally friendly "way of life." I'm sure it wouldn't take long.

Our cars are out there, in our driveways, parking lots, on the road for all to see. We can't hide them -- but you can hide your bad lawn-watering habit, waste of electricity, letting the water run while you wash your hair, ad infinitum.

By the way, placing a card on the motorist's car when he's not there goes to show that you have the smallest genitals of anyone in the whole situation. I'd like to see you place one of your lovely cards on my truck while I'm seated in it! Then we could talk about it, and you could decide for yourself about the size of my manhood (and I don't mean my penis!).

On the flip side, I was considering buying a vehicle that would use less fuel before reading your article. Why? To save me money -- not to appease you and your green legions. If you want to be successful at conversion, you must show people why changing is better for them -- and not you, you self-serving hypocrite.

Here's to hot, greasy, dirty, used motor oil spilled all over your lawn, driveway, house and hair.

Dan Arturi
Northridge, California

Smoke and rearview mirrors: My hat goes off to the New Times and to Amy Alkon for your story on guys with small penises driving SUVs.

The story was hilarious and probably more truthful than the SUV drivers care to admit. It's about time someone got the goat of these "I am the center of the universe -- pig rig" drivers. If you ask me, they have no balls, either. If they did, they would realize that our country's dependence on foreign oil helped bring about 9-11. Yes, they're a real bunch of patriots who whine whenever someone lights up a cigarette, but spew deadly toxins in the air as they idle at the McDonald's drive-through. Anyone who has flown into Phoenix lately can see for themselves the amount of shit in the air. You can escape secondhand cigarette smoke, but you can't escape the "pig rigs."

Tim Ogan

Stud dud: In response to Mr. Nelson's column "Guys with Small Penises," I would like to submit the following response.

Mr. Nelson, when the day comes that your Suburban has blocked the driver's side access to my Toyota because it takes up one and a half parking spaces, I will leave my own calling card on your windshield:

"Dear Breeding Stud,

If you hadn't decided to overpopulate the planet with your average penis and use the resultant resource-sucking brats as a weak excuse to purchase this oversized monster, I wouldn't be crawling in through my @&%$! passenger door!"

Name withheld by request

Sexual politics: I have to take exception to Matt Williams' letter in your September 19 issue, in which he implies Amy Alkon may be an "outspoken lesbo-femme" because of her position on SUVs. As a lesbo-femme whose partner drives a Suburban, I'm deeply insulted by the comparison.

Seriously, if there were some indication that Ms. Alkon was actually interested in improving the environment, I'd have more sympathy for her position. But seeing as she doesn't drive a particularly fuel-efficient car herself, and has chosen a method of enlightenment which is far more likely to tick people off than convince them to change their ways . . . well, you do the math. Not that I blame her; if I could convince someone to pay me to be a professional bitch, I'd be right there.

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