Gun Nut

The Spike shoots it up with Second Amendment types.

Of course, the .22 rifle was the extent of The Spike's glory. With the AR-15 military-issue assault rifle, The Spike was lucky to even hit the dirt behind the target. But accuracy wasn't a concern, as nothing makes The Spike feel like putting on pink organza like hitting a pile of dirt 100 yards away with a laser-sighted assault rifle.

Neal Knox, the former vice president of the National Rifle Association, tested a .22 semiautomatic Ruger by aiming at a metal shell casing about 40 yards away. He shot the shell, spot-on, first try. Then the battle to be the first to hit the exploding target was fought -- and won by Korwin. The Spike didn't fare so well.

Then came the ultimate challenge: the double-barreled shotgun that sent The Spike's party-dressed butt into the mud 20 years ago. Carefully guided and instructed by every member of the training team, The Spike lined up the shot, stared down the barrel of the enormous gun buried in its not-quite-big-enough shoulder, and fired a load of birdshot. A few expletives and a large bruise later (but still standing upright), The Spike decided that it was never going to touch a shotgun again.

But if anyone wants to take away the Spike's pink Easter dress, they'll have to pry it out of these cold, dead hands.

Spike us! E-mail spiked@newtimes.com or call 602-229-8451.

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