Kittie

According to their official bio, Ontario's all-girl metal mongers Kittie are "setting new standards by hammering out honest metal music" – a revolutionary notion since metal has never been grounded in truthfulness. How honest were Ronnie James Dio's dungeons-and-dragons lyrics when the only castles he'd ever visited sold him square hamburgers? How honest were Kevin DuBrow's collective wigworks? Nah, metal's always been a shuck by design, and Kittie's got a shell game that's as dastardly as anything the old-boys' network ever perpetrated. Listen to the new, mostly live EP Safe and notice how lead ralpher Morgan Lander employs the poise and elocution of a Miss America candidate promising world peace when plugging the band's newest album, then reverts to emulating Lucifer's garbage disposal when delivering said honest message, which usually calls for the painful eradication of a former boyfriend. And couldn't somebody inform latest bassist Jennifer Arroyon that she shouldn't be shaking hands with audience members while Morgan is singing about severing something that sorta rhymes with genius? My guess is Kittie's kiddies will be none too pleased with this holding action EP, especially when the title track is remixed by Sasha from KMFDM to make Morgan sound like Enya.