By Heather Hoch
By Eric Schaefer
By New Times
By Rachel Miller
By Eric Schaefer
By Heather Hoch and Lauren Saria
By Robrt L. Pela
By Heather Hoch
Bite Me: I couldn't have said that better myself. You're getting drinks and getting drunks simultaneously. Maybe it's because you're so tall.
Xavier: She's not that tall.
Owner, Auto Reflections
Apple computer trainer
Bite Me: So, Danny boy, what's the best Irish bar in town?
Dan: Rosie McCaffrey's.
Bite Me: Wild! I just moved in across the street, mere steps from a thick mug of Guinness.
Dan: Yeah. We live down there, too.
Bite Me: You're my neighbors?
Dan: I'm a lord of the slumlords in Sunnyslope. I live in a nice part of Sunnyslope, which is kind of an oxymoron.
Bite Me: You're a slumlord?
Dan: No, no, I'm not a slumlord. Wouldn't that be good, though?
Bite Me: Okay, then what do you do?
Dan: I own Auto Reflections; it's a car wash, detail and window tinting company.
Bite Me: Great name. What got you into that?
Dan: A love of cars. Everybody needs to have their car washed.
Susan: He does all the wholesale work for the car dealerships on Camelback. That's where we met.
Bite Me: Aha! So you like cars and chicks?
Dan: No. Wait -- I do like girls. Put it that way.
Bite Me: Not that there's anything wrong with the alternative. Hey, is your car here? Can I come check out if it's clean?
Susan: We're actually in my very detailed Jetta.
Bite Me: I'm just kidding. I ain't gonna inspect your car, but do you ever have to clean cars that are super nasty? Do you ever say "no way"?
Dan: Never. It's a matter of money.
Bite Me: Susan, are you a model? How old are you? You're so beautiful.
Susan: I love you. Thanks. I'm 34.
Bite Me: You must have good genes. Where do you hail from, doll?
Susan: Czechoslovakia. My dad is Czech.
Bite Me: Wow. You're nonstop perfect. Does it ever stop? I bet you even got a table in this packed place.
Dan: I scored and got a table, one of the last two that wasn't reserved.
Bite Me: You mean she got one of the two tables that wasn't reserved. This place is wall-to-wall sportos led by their Barbie dolls. Sorry, just bein' honest.
Dan: Yeah, I'm with her, but the table's got my name on it.
Bite Me: Susan, is anyone ever mean to you ever?
Susan: Actually, they really are.
Bite Me: Girls, I bet.
Susan: Yeah, some of the meanest bee-yaatches you've ever met in your life.
Bite Me: Well, darlin', just remember, "fuck the bitches."
Susan: Yeah. I have to be in a male-dominated industry like computers because women are so mean.
Bite Me: They're horrible. Were you in a sorority?
Susan: Never been in a sorority. Never been a cheerleader. I was a band geek.
Bite Me: You're a catch. Are you gonna marry her, Danny-boy?
Dan: If she'll let me.
Susan: Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, hint, hint.
Dan: Her parents like me. Her brother likes me.
Bite Me: Her brother likes you? Who cares?
Susan: My brother is an ass. He's older. I'm the youngest and a serious accident. My mother told me that I was the result of a night of martinis. I asked her if that was why I like martinis so much.
Bite Me: Who are you? You abhorrently freakish lass. I love you. Beautiful and quick to recognize bee-yatches. You're my girl.
Bite Me: So, pre-doc, are you really smart?
Bite Me: What made you decide on medicine? The hot chicks?
Bo: I grew up in a factory town. The factory was medicine.
Bite Me: Why are you leaving before the game ends?
Bo: I have to drive back to school in Loma Linda, California. We just came to watch the game and root for the Raiders.
Bite Me: How are they doing?
Bo: It's like three to 20. It's grim.
Bite Me: Wow. So, long-distance Lolita, you're gonna be a dentist? Can you give me some tooth tips? Should I floss three times a day?
Jennifer: You should floss at least once a day, but going to the dentist is the most important thing.
Bite Me: I hate going to the dentist. Most people do. Does that bum you out?
Jennifer: No. People will like me because I'm gonna be an orthodontist who'll make their teeth straight.
Bite Me: Do people always want to talk about their teeth with you? Do you hate that?
Jennifer: No. I like to talk about teeth.
Bite Me: Do you believe in putting people to sleep to work on them?
Jennifer: It depends on their level of comfort.
Bite Me: Do you hate it when they're freaked out? Doesn't everyone hate the dentist?
Jennifer: Yes. But most people are okay if they understand what's going on. (Bite Me's take on dentistry is that it's all good as long as she's doped up during the procedure and leaves with a scrip for Vicodin and at least one refill. In this day and age, you're a damn fool to leave an office without plans to zone out for the night on legal pharmaceuticals.)