Greeting Cad

Mayor's holiday humor raises ire

It's been weeks since the last clump of mistletoe was yanked from Gilbert's doorways, but the town is still ringing with Christmas jeers. That's because, like a hunk of holiday fruitcake, the memory of Gilbert Mayor Steve Berman's Christmas card lingers with townsfolk, who are still grumbling about his cheeky holiday greeting: "I wish each of you, your families, alternative household, or social or non-social group, life partners, pre-adults and of course your companion animals a Yuletide Season filled with festive and inclusionary merry-making."

The cocktail waiter at 1912 Lounge tried to get me to sell him my copy of Berman's card, but the good mayor swears it's a collectible. I'm keeping mine, at least until I can figure out which section of eBay to post it on.

New Times: What were you thinking?

No hot air here: Gilbert Mayor Steve Berman is neither small nor stupid.
Kevin Scanlon
No hot air here: Gilbert Mayor Steve Berman is neither small nor stupid.

Steve Berman: Well, I wanted to do something for Gilbert employees. There are about 800 of them, and they work hard. They're not underpaid by any means. We do an annual survey, and we get high marks on how people are treated by town employees. I mean, we have a jerk here or there, but overall we have good city employees. So I wanted to give them a gift, but I didn't want to pick out 800 different gifts. I don't even know some of their names. So I thought, I'll make them a card. A Christmas card is kind of a gift.

NT: Kind of.

Berman: And a card like this is a real collector's item. You can't buy one. I thought it would be fun to make a kind of a collector's item that I could give to everybody. So a friend of mine whose son is an artist, he drew me sitting in a hot air balloon. My campaign logo is a hot air balloon.

NT: I'll bet you get kidded a lot about being full of hot air.

Berman: Everyone always thinks they're being so funny when they say that. That they're real knee-slappers, and they should be writing for the Leno show. Anyway, I started to write the copy for the inside of the card, and I thought, "I better write something that's not going to offend a single person." Then I just started to get goofy.

NT: I'll say! (Reading from card:) "If this card displays any sexist, racist, culturalist, nationalist, intellectualist, ethnocentrist, religionist, heteropatriarchalist or other types (sic) of bias, I profoundly apologize." Heteropatriarchal? I'll bet your spell-checker kicked that one out.

Berman: I didn't run a spell check on the card. I think it means male father figure.

NT: So you sent out this card, and some members of the Gilbert Human Relations Commission got their noses out of joint?

Berman: Keep in mind that I'm in politics, and politics is a contact sport. The first person to complain was a school principal. He called the newspapers and said, "Our mayor doesn't know how to spell!" He thought I'd misspelled the word "merry," because the front of the card reads, "Mayor-ry Christmas." You can't get nothing past those principals, can you?

NT: So it wasn't just the Human Relations Commission who wigged out?

Berman: Supposedly one of the members of the Human Relations Commission put my Christmas card on the agenda for their next meeting. He thought I was making fun of the work that the Human Relations Commission was doing.

NT: It does seem like you were mocking the promotion of diversity.

Berman: Well, I went down to their next meeting to talk about the card. I mean, the card was very well received, but it's not beyond me to be insensitive or to miss something, so I figured I'd better go see what their thoughts were. The first person who spoke said, "I don't know why this is on the agenda. I thought the card was funny, and I think talking about it here tonight makes us all look small and stupid."

NT: But doesn't the card make Gilbertians look small and stupid?

Berman: No. And my feelings were kind of hurt that people were questioning it. I mean, I spent more money on these cards than I did on my kids' Christmas gifts.

NT: It seems like the Human Relations Commission would have better things to do.

Berman: Yeah. They're supposed to be promoting tolerance. Their attitude seems a little intolerant. I think on next year's card I'll put a warning label: "Caution: Opening this card may be hazardous to your sense of self-righteousness."

NT: So what's their problem?

Berman: I couldn't figure out what their problem was. They thought I was making fun of their attempts to bring political correctness to Gilbert. I didn't see it like that. It's like they said about Ev Mecham: If I was seen walking on water, they'd complain that I didn't know how to swim.

NT: Someone should tell the Commission about post-PC.

Berman: I didn't make fun of any group, and that was the whole joke. I think people take political correctness way too far. You can't hardly say a word anymore without being corrected. You don't dare refer to someone's son being short. It's, "You mean my vertically challenged male heir." Well, whatever.

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