You don't know this, but it's your eyebrows that are holding you back. Probably the size of your nose is keeping you from getting that promotion you're after. If you haven't gotten laid in a while, it might be because your mouth is too small.
Kevin Scanlon
Face facts: Boyé Lafayette De Mente knows nose secrets.
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Just ask Boyé Lafayette De Mente – that's his real name – about the signals your face is sending. De Mente pioneered the art of face reading, an ancient practice that assigns your success and failure to the size of your forehead or the length of your earlobes. His several books on the subject (including the best-selling Face Reading for Fun and Profit) and lately his Web site, HowToPickSexyPartners.com, detail how and why your mug might be ruining your life.
New Times: So you read faces. Is that like reading tea leaves?
Boyé Lafayette De Mente: No. Reading tea leaves is far more arbitrary, and isn't based on physical principles, as face reading is. It's about the size and shape of the forehead, the eyes, the eyebrows. Men with curved eyebrows are closer to a feminine psyche; they interpret things in a more artistic way. The key is not about the individual whose face is being read but how others react to that face. It's ingrained in the human psyche, genetically programmed into us, before infancy – we're born to react to the facial features of other people.
NT: Why do you do this?
De Mente: It's a lost Chinese folk art that, after a time, was primarily performed among Gypsies. I wanted to bring it to the western world. Face reading is very scientific and so obvious. Here's an example: Think about how people treat infants with big pretty eyes.
NT: Not right now. You write about people-sexing. What's that?
De Mente: About 60 percent of all face readings are related to sexuality. I was trying to reach a larger audience, so I came up with the term "people-sexing." It's a takeoff on the term "chicken-sexing."
NT: I'm sorry?
De Mente: When chicks are first born, you can't tell whether they're male or female by looking at them. The only way you can tell is by squeezing open their anus, sticking your finger in there, and feeling for a little bump.
NT: That's not part of face reading, is it?
De Mente: No. I just adopted the name.
NT: You believe there's a genetic link between the size and shape of the facial features and the sexuality of individuals. So you can just look at my eyebrows and tell whether I'm good in bed?
De Mente: In part. You have to read all the primary features. A lot of the potency of a person is in their eyes. Everyone comes with a built-in battery, and in some people it's very strong. Some people who have very bad faces, ungainly faces, can be okay because they have very powerful eyes. And look at very old people, in their 80s or 90s. They invariably have strong noses, chins. And big ears. These are signs linked to longevity.
NT: My ears determine how long I'm going to live?
De Mente: Also the amount of eyebrow hair, which is a strong indication of the life force and sexuality. Women who pluck their eyebrows are sending a negative message: that their life force is weak, that they're flighty, that they're not sexually potent. They'll have a hell of a time getting a date.
NT: What do you tell someone whose face tells you they'll always be a romantic failure?
De Mente: Well, doing face reading isn't a good way to win friends, I'll tell you that. I give advice based on what I see, like, "Accentuate your positive attributes," rather than just saying, "You have a weak chin; no one will ever go out with you."
NT: And when someone has a really ugly face? Like a woman with zits and a beard?
De Mente: She already knows she's not attractive. I'd speak to her in general terms about how really handsome people have greater advantages. But I never specifically say, "You're ugly, wow! You'll never make it by virtue of your face!" That isn't helpful.
NT: Do you find that ugly people more often behave badly?
De Mente: Probably 70 or 80 percent of all people who behave badly are unattractive. Their facial features are a representation of their built-in genetic character. Their face determined how they were treated by their parents, their peers, everyone as they were growing up. They became bitter, even though it wasn't deliberate that their parents were treating them differently because they had a funny looking nose or mouth.
NT: But nobody knows this stuff, at least consciously.
De Mente: It's vital to learn these things, then. Otherwise your face is sending too many negative signals, and your chances of making out are smaller. We have to overcome our face's negative signals to be successful. Barbra Streisand was acutely aware that she had an oversized nose when she was young, and it's what made her want to be a performer. She tried harder because she knew she wasn't going to be a success as a pretty girl.
