By Heather Hoch
By Eric Schaefer
By New Times
By Rachel Miller
By Eric Schaefer
By Heather Hoch and Lauren Saria
By Robrt L. Pela
By Heather Hoch
Bite Me: So how does a chick try out for a job here?
Keith: A girl can come down here anytime for an audition and it really depends on how she looks. If she looks really good, they'll tell her to come back at night and audition for the night guys and the house mom on the main stage.
Bite Me: What's a house mom?
Keith: She takes care of the girls. They're all independent contractors. Technically, they don't work for us. She keeps track of the girls, takes responsibility for them.
Bite Me: That's really sweet. So do people get off the bus with dreams of making it on the strip stages of Phoenix?
Keith: It does happen. When I worked at Bourbon Street, a strip club near here, the funny thing I saw was girls who absolutely should not be in this business, and when they don't get the job they freak out. Because they can't believe that they're not good enough to be a stripper.
Bite Me: Is it because they don't have big breasts? Or maybe some girls are hot and then they get money stripping to buy big breasts? Like that TV show Are You Hot? They had tryouts for it here last weekend and the prize was breast implants.
Keith: Yeah, maybe they're hot, but all they need is a little something extra.
Bite Me: You didn't tell them what was wrong with them, did you?
Keith: Actually, we did.
Bite Me: Ew, like Simon on American Idol.
Keith: Exactly. I'd tell them to "lose another 15 pounds, do something with your hair, get your fingernails done. You haven't presented yourself well. You don't have on your makeup. You can't show up to an audition like that." No, ma'am.
Bite Me: Well, maybe it shocks them enough to get liposuction and implants.
Director, Christie's Cabaret
Bite Me: I see you're wearing sunglasses. It's 9:45 p.m. What brand are they?
Vegas: Calvin Klein.
Bite Me: And your name is Vegas?
Vegas: Yes. I'm the director, the guy that runs the show.
Bite Me: So how does a girl go about getting a gig here?
Vegas: We're looking for girls with good high energy.
Bite Me: Yeah, but doesn't a girl have to be hot to work here?
Vegas: You could look really good and be a bitch and not be able to work here.
Bite Me: Do you like it here? Are you from here?
Vegas: It's the Valley of the Sun, I love it. I come from the Virgin Islands, St. Thomas.
Bite Me: Well, aren't you a spectacularly charmed human!
Vegas: I've been around. (Bite Me wonders just how around Mr. Vegas has been. Does he date the voluptuous babes who parade through Christie's? Is he a player?)
Bite Me: You married?
Vegas: I'm very single. This is not a job for married people with kids.
Bite Me: Anybody famous come here?
Vegas: A whole boatload. But I wouldn't say who.
Bite Me: I hear the food is good here. But I say people don't eat a big meal while they're lookin' at topless chicks. Am I right?
Vegas: You're wrong. They do. At lunch and dinner, they get hungry just like everybody else.
Bite Me: So a guy sees some long-legged babe and he suddenly says, "Hey, I'm havin' the cheese steak"?
Vegas: Entertainers make you hungry.
Customer service representative
Bite Me: So hey, you're a girl at a strip club? Do you dance here? (Kelly would be photographed only after we promised not to take photos of her boyfriend or mention him by name. We understood. What happens in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom!)
Kelly: No. I'm definitely not a dancer. I came here with my boyfriend.
Bite Me: How'd that happen?
Kelly: Well, we've been together for over two years. And lately he's been talking about going to strip clubs because his friends have been going to Christie's and this other new club, Skin. So I told him he could go if I went with him.
Bite Me: C'mon, tell me the truth. Did he bring you here because he wanted to pick up a stripper or buy you a lap dance so he could get off?
Kelly: I swear I was thinking the same thing, but I wanted to do it anyway. If they were gonna grind on him, I wanted to see it. But it was weird because the girls were really cool. They looked at me to see what they could do. I was expecting a bunch of ho's. (Bite Me was expecting a bunch of ho's herself. But these chicks were top-of-the-line hot. We're talking Demi Moore Striptease hot, not Courtney Love at Jumbo's Clown Room, the famously dingy joint on Hollywood Boulevard.)
Bite Me: So they're not like that, wow! What were you thinking when he got a table dance? Were you jealous?
Kelly: It was totally crazy because I got jealous, but then it kind of turned me on because the girl was looking at me while she was rubbing up against him. It was like she was doing it to me. And then he paid her to do it to me. It was kinda hot. I think it was like watching porn but different. I would come here again. It's so gross to say this, but it's hot. I'm turned on.