By New Times Staff
By Stephen Lemons
By Stephen Lemons
By Monica Alonzo
By Ray Stern
By New Times Staff
By Stephen Lemons
By Chris Parker
Bud Grossman is still paying Heather's medical and nursing bills. But a judge has ordered Heather and her family to be out of the Paradise Valley house by October, and at the current $2,500 a month she's receiving from John, she doesn't know how she'll pay her family's living expenses.
(Robert Jensen, John's divorce attorney, estimates that his client has been paying an additional $10,000 a month in house-related expenses; the Stephenses have been ordered to pay $600 a month to John for the mortgage.)
There is also a bitter custody battle over the Grossmans' dog, a German shepherd named Raider.
Even so, Heather Grossman's health has improved dramatically in the past year. She now weighs more than 100 pounds, her blood pressure is normal and she has a lot less stress in her life.
The household bustles with teen activities -- Heather and her nurse take her daughter to get acrylic nails, her son to buy trading cards. Florence Stephens' 14-year-old grandson plops down on grandma's lap, asking for a back scratch. Normal family stuff.
There was nothing normal about John's relationship with Heather, her parents say. One has to wonder why he'd bother to stick around, but Florence isn't surprised at all.
"Think about abusive people," she says. "What do they do? They control your life. He never had it so good in his whole life, because there was nothing she could do. It's called total control. And if you don't do what I want, your kids will suffer.' That's what he told her. She said, Mother, if I'd been able to walk, I would have been out of there. I never would have stayed in that marriage.'"
Poor girl. She sure had a penchant for picking the wrong men.
Makes me glad I am divorced and making it on my own.
Wow, I have a 13 year old son from my first marriage. My 2nd husband calls him an idiot, moron, loser, etc...Emotionally and verbally abuses him from sun up to sun down.Nevermind what he does to me. He calls me a fat ass, bitch, coo-coo. We have a 4 year old and a 1 year old together now. I hate myself for bringing children into a marriage with a father who berates, verbally abuses, emotionally abuses, and uses all 3 of these boys to make fun of and call their mom names. I worry my 13 year old will commit suicide. I wake up to my husband EVERY DAY slamming doors and being extremly hostile to my and my oldest son. Even my 4 year old just wants to me around me. I find myself trying to avoid this man whenever and however possible. I don't have the finances or education to raise 3 boys by myself. I am trapped and I HATE that my boys see this abuse on a daily basis. My husband went to therapy with me for 6 weeks and the entire practice could hear him screaming names at me for the 1 hour session. He is anxious and impulsive say the therapists. In order to not take responsibility for his actions, he tells everybody who will listen that I have some sort of mental problem and I need help. I am currently on anti-depressants and trying to muster up enough courage to leave this destructive man. Nobody we know ever sees his abuse because he ALWAYS makes sure it is done in our car or in our house. I have no witnesses. When we talked about divorce, he said "when I get through with you, you'll be lucky if you can afford a 1 bedroom apartment you dumb bitch". I wish I never re-married. I saw some very faint signs of this behavior just weeks before our wedding but never before that. I blamed it on stress of his job and school. The verbal, and mental abuse started when I was 6 mos. pregnant with our first child. We went to therapy for a few months and I really saw an improvement. That is when we decided to have another child. Things were great until he was about 6 weeks old. The abuse has tripled since then and our therapist says I am suffering from post traumatic syndrome. I wake up every 3 hours at night trying to clear my mind and just think about what to do. I count how many years I will have to endure this in order to see my kids grow up. I cannot feel anything anymore. I am numb and in survival mode. When I have an argument with my oldest son, I found myself repeating the same behavior that my husband inflicted on me. I hate what this environment has done to me and my children. My friends implore me to leave but I don't have the money for an attorney. My husband has already become violent with me by throwing household objects at me and ripping the sheets off our bed while I am in it. If I get a restraining order, it will just infuriate him and he has already taken steps to take my name off every account we have. I cannot even retain information and I am having memory problems too. I gained 10 lbs because I eat dinner after he has gone to sleep because I feel sick and nervous around him. Trying to keep him calm is a full time job. He calls everybody idiot behind their back and plays "the greatest guy" in front of everyone. I have no witnesses and no hope for any kind of future. By reading this article, I am only thankful that I am not confined to a wheelchair. Gives me something to think about.
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