By Benjamin Leatherman
By Robrt L. Pela
By Katrina Montgomery
By Robrt L. Pela
By Kathleen Vanesian
By New Times
By Ray Stern
By Eric Tsetsi
NT: Okay, you wrote your award-winning line very quickly. Let's imagine some more. I'll go first. How's this: "It'll be a dark day/When there's no more Parkay."
Pittman: Hey, you got one there! You never know what's going to catch a judge's eye. But you might want to write a slogan that's directed at kids, unless it's for a Depends product.
NT: Okay, then. How about, "You can steal my dog/And arrest my mother/Just don't touch/My pretend butter"?
Pittman: Yes, that one's okay. Only maybe you should have something with references to tattoos and piercings. Young people today, boy! Here, I just wrote this one while you were talking: "Parkay: Perking with tasty pleasure."
NT: Sounds like you're on your way to another win. What are some other uses for Parkay? Can it be a lubricant?
Pittman: Maybe it could stop wrinkles. You'd have to put it right on your face, though. Preparation H is good for that, you know. I mean for wrinkles. I hope people aren't eating it. But in today's society, you never know. People don't think as deeply today. The age of slogans is over, and now all the commercials just flash you some skin in order to be memorable. So you get women ripping each other's clothes off, instead of a slogan or jingle that sticks in your head.
NT: One final question -- something I've longed to know: Does it hurt the Parkay when you stick a knife in it?
Pittman: Yeah. I would think that it does. And there's probably some group out there lobbying against cruelty to butter products. No, I'm serious. I imagine they're looking for a lawyer right now who will launch a campaign to picket Parkay. It's a strange world anymore. You just never know what people are up to.