Lock Up Your Daughters

Sun City's very own Nasty Stanley holds the key to perpetual virginity

NT: Can I get one with the jewels on the inside?

Lescewicz: No. Why would you want that? I could make one like that, but it would be expensive. But I don't see why you'd want that. It would rub you kind of raw.

NT: Would the teen pregnancy thing be a different scene if we just sort of forced our daughters to wear these things?

Lescewicz: Yes. Absolutely. I was going to send a box of these to the chairman of Planned Parenthood. "Here, this is what you need." Because a good chastity belt can also prevent abortion. Have your daughter wear one of these, they have all kinds of practical uses. Save her virginity. Use these, instead of a rubber or what have you. Because the Planned Parenthood people, they could use a little laughter. They're all a bunch of busy-busies, you know?

NT: I couldn't agree more. Does your wife wear a chastity belt?

Lescewicz: No. She doesn't like them. She said, "Well, you were making them before we married, so I can't make you stop. Just don't get into anything pornographic." She's a born-again Christian. I'm Catholic, so I don't sell these at porn shops. But I'm going to be 77 years old this month, and I figure, what the hell? I have to have something to do around the house. I have prostate cancer, so I don't get out much these days.

NT: I'm sorry.

Lescewicz: Oh, hey, don't be. I've lived my life. I just want to get rid of these chastity belts. I hope one of my belts ends up in the Smithsonian. I sent one to Dear Abby, because she's always talking about the prevention of pregnancy and so forth. I figured, with a note from her, maybe one could get into the Smithsonian. I made her one out of copper with "Dear Abby" hammered into it, and I just told her to donate it to the Smithsonian when she leaves her things to them.

NT: Do chastity belts set off security alarms at the airport?

Lescewicz: Oh, yeah. You'd have to take it off and give it to the guard. Of course, you don't see a lot of that these days. You'd better make sure you pack the key, though, if you're going to be setting off the metal detectors. Because you'd really hold up the line, otherwise.

NT: How about a Chastity Bono belt?

Lescewicz: Who?

NT: Chastity Bono. She's Cher's daughter.

Lescewicz: Who?

NT: Never mind. It's been nice talking to you.

Lescewicz: Yeah, you, too. You mean Cher, the singer Cher? I've never made one for her. But she'd look great in one of these belts. I'd make a chastity belt for Cher. I did make one for Dame Edna, but I never heard from her. Now, you help me pick out one of these belts to take home with you.

E-mail robrt.pela@newtimes.com

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