Metallica

We laughed at your tales of hazing former bassist Jason Newsted. We screamed when you cut your hair and helped shut down Napster. But now it's time for us to be wholly and quietly attentive for the official "Very Special Episode" in the long-running heavy metal series you call Metallica. In the sobering new documentary Some Kind of Monster, you show us your deep, vulnerable side as you endure two years of intensive group therapy to confront issues of animosity, egotism and creative strife. Thank you, James, Lars and Kirk, for now we finally get to understand the ghastly pain of being a rock superstar "stuck" in a band with a couple of guys who piss you off from time to time.

Oh, cry me a river (no, not you, Justin). Most of us deal with failed relationships, addictions and asshole co-workers, but we don't get to travel the world, be worshiped by millions and establish savings accounts that end with seven or eight zeroes. Okay, so the last Metallica album, St. Anger, was kinda angry, but now that you've exorcised your demons, whatcha got for us now? Barney covers? How about this, fellas: Just before you take the stage, instead of hugging one other and saying "I love you, bro," punch each other in the face real hard and then come out and tear shit up. Just like old times.