Letters from the week of June 24, 2004

 Go Ask Alice

A loyal listener: Wow! I guess you're not a fan of Alice Cooper's radio show, eh ("Alice in Revolver Land," Brendan Joel Kelley, June 3)? I read your article, and between bong hits I couldn't stop laughing. Funny stuff. I'm actually writing to you because I do happen to have a shitty job where I drive around the Valley all night, every night. My point being that I listen to the show every night.

I have been listening since Alice started on the air in late January. The show has actually developed into something pretty cool. Alice has come out completely differently than I thought he would -- no snakes, no guillotines, no scary Alice Cooper -- just a real dude in his mid-50s who has seen a lot of crazy shit in his life.

I don't agree with everything he says, but I think he's perfect to be syndicated across the country playing cool, old tracks that were never played on the radio, and telling cool stories about the legends he's playing. I'm surprised you don't get his sense of humor. He's the first one to self-deprecate, calling himself "Your favorite transvestite radio host," and other ridiculous pokes. He's usually got me laughing pretty hard, and I'm not a tweaker, head-banger or a dumb-shit mongoloid.

And, no, I was never an Alice Cooper fan. I'm 26 years old. I knew "School's Out," and some other tracks, but I have to say that I am a fan of his radio show. A loyal listener, even. I never used to leave the radio on one station all night, and for the first time, I do. The show is constantly getting better as well. Check it out again in a month or so. And shit, man -- he plays Zappa!

Your article on Alice's show was harsh, to say the least. Making fun of the fact that it's on in Utica got a laugh out of me, but the reality is that Alice's show is getting new stations every week. It definitely is a growing show, and I think there are many others aside from me who like what it's growing into.

I read New Times every week, and I just wanted to give you another opinion from somebody who's listened to probably every show. It seems only fair to Alice. I mean, print my letter as a favor to Marilyn Manson (for whom Alice set the stage). Peace.
Ryan Grimwood, Phoenix

Off with his head!: When did Brendan Kelley become a rock legend? Oh, wait, let me answer that: never! How dare you diss Alice Cooper or his show. Some of us like listening to his exploits as a rock star. Who he's met, what they've said.

Let's talk about boring, shall we? Drinking a bottle of Merlot while listening to anything would put even a death-metal person to sleep.

I do, however, have a suggestion for Brendan Kelley. At the next Alice Cooper live show, why don't we have Alice take care of that boredom [Kelley] suffers from? Let's have Alice just whack his head off on stage.
Joe Kennedy, Phoenix

Rock of aged: Hey, I thought your article on Alice Cooper was right on! What's the fascination with this dinosaur? He sucked musically even when he was young. Why does anybody want to hear from him now that he's playing golf with Glen Campbell?

Anyway, Brendan Joel Kelley, that was funny stuff! I'm surprised the bottle of wine you drank didn't put you into a coma when listening to Cooper wag his forked tongue about the aging rockers he knew. If you want to hear about aging pop icons, why not just watch Behind the Music on MTV. At least that's not narrated by some boring gimmick-meister turned law-and-order Republican.

As horrible as it might be, too, I'd rather hear a talk show hosted by Stevie Nicks, another Phoenician, or Arizonan Linda Ronstadt. Is she still alive? Wish Cooper wasn't!
Rich Donaldson, Yuma

Electro magnet: I really enjoy Brendan Joel Kelley's articles on the local music scene. I really think he hit it on the nose, man, about the phony electroclash trend ("Electro Ass," May 6). Places like Phoenix will always be rife with suburban wanna-bes who will clamor for anything chic -- even if it's passé elsewhere.
Name withheld by request

Dishing It Out

The round mound of P-town: Recently, columnist Stephen Lemons began his Cafe review by encouraging New Times readers to imagine him as a combination of Sydney Greenstreet's Signor Ferrari and Aleister "The Great Beast" Crowley ("Kings of Kebab," June 10).

A curious amalgam, to be sure. Presumably, we are to infer that Mr. Lemons is fat and unscrupulous. Why not pull out all the stops, Mr. Lemons? Have you forgotten about Jabba the Hutt?

Mr. Lemons had begun his previous column by comparing himself to Ted Bundy and Jack the Ripper ("Psycho Killer," June 3).

These revelations may possibly be of interest to Mr. Lemons' psychoanalyst. Possibly not. But at the risk of appearing naive, might I suggest that discernment and taste are more important traits for a restaurant critic?
Mark Adkins, via the Internet

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