By Ray Stern
By Ray Stern
By New Times
By Amy Silverman
By Stephen Lemons
By Stephen Lemons
By Monica Alonzo
By Chris Parker
"Okay, everyone, say hello to Kreme and Jett from the New Times column the Inferno," announces the femmy female impersonator, looking fabbo in a slinky pink dress, a rhinestone necklace and a pink butterfly in her hair. She then moves close to our table. "Now, which one of you is the lesbian?"
The crowd erupts in guffaws, including those of my lipsticker lieutenant and I, as P-town's lily-skinned RuPaul continues her clownin'.
"I love the column," she coos. "Now let me answer a few questions before you ask them. For me, drag is profession, not lifestyle. Underneath, I'm wearing tighty whities and a pair of tights. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you don't know where to put 'em, so I usually just put them in your mouth. And for an extra charge, in your butt."
Now the crowd's rolling, but Babs ain't through with us yet.
"I always thought you'd be more butch," Seville tells Jett, then turns to me. "You write her like she's a diesel dyke, honey."
"Nooo, really?" I reply.
"Why, she even wears deodorant, for God's sake," exclaims the cross-dressing comedienne. "And she's sitting right beside Newman from Seinfeld."
Following this shtick, the sultry Seville dives into an extended, lip-synched Bette Midler medley, after which her sisters in queenerie take their turns in the spotlight, one by one, to do their Milli Vanilli best with everything from Celine Dion and Chaka Kahn to Deee-Lite and Billie Holiday. Seville's revue, which also takes place on Friday nights under the name "Thank God It's Friday," includes a veritable smorgasbord of PHX drag, with a rotating cast of performers such as the chocolate-brown Miss Ebony, the Polynesian cutie Ineda Buffet, the sexy-slim Mya McKenzie, the stunning Chane Jordan, the curvaceous Regina Gizelle, and the ever-delovely Nikki Knowles.
Wink's presents drag extravaganzas every night of the week except for Monday, which is karaoke night. It's a cozy, friendly establishment where both straight and gay come for drinks and a show. There's no cover, though it's considered polite to tip the performers, so keep a stack of ones handy. Another pointer: There's no sign out front of the squat, brick building at 5707 North Seventh Street, but it's right next to Planned Parenthood, with whom Wink's shares parking, if not clientele.
The "perpetually 29-year-old" Seville (a.k.a. Richard Stevens) is a true drag icon in the Zona, whose widely read "Ask Barbra" advice column appears in the biweekly gay mag Echo. She's won numerous awards, such as Miss Gay AZ 2000 and Miss Gay Phoenix 1996, and, after witnessing the tart-tongued faux femme in action, I can see why she's so popular. (The uninitiated can preview her bodacious talents on her Web site, at www.barbraseville.com).
"I've been performing for 10 years now," explains Seville, swigging a brewski with us post-show. "Pretty much all the time at Wink's, which is my home bar. I tour a lot, but always with my drag in a bag. Like I said before, I'm not lifestyle. I'm originally from Cleveland, Ohio, and all my family is supportive. What else do you wanna know?"
"A lot of aspiring drag-stars look to you for guidance, so who do you look up to?" asks the J-grrl.
"I do have a drag-mother," she responds. "Her name is Pussy LeHoot. You could say she took me under her big ol' pussy wing and taught me a whole lot."
"Now tell us all about your breasts," I demand of the diva, batting my eyes.
"I have four sets," Her Royal Campiness tells us, pulling out one of her falsies to play show-and-tell. "These are from Walgreens. They're just bath sponges, and they're kinda sweaty. Then I have these others that are really expensive, silicone ones that bounce and have nipples."
"Are you oddly attracted to her?" Jett asks me, all of a sudden. "Because I'm kind of getting that vibe."
"A lot of straight guys don't know how to handle it," says Seville.
"Hmm, it could be the Barbara Eden eyes," I gush. "Or the fact that the only sex I've been getting of late has been hand-to-gland. Right now, if the wind blows in the right direction, I'm good for the weekend. No offense, Babs."
"None taken," she says.
Nearby is my other favorite drag-star, Ineda Buffet (alias Sammi Latu), a plump and luscious 20-something originally from the island of Tonga in the South Pacific. She regularly performs on Wednesdays at Wink's in her show Girlz Gone Wild with fellow performer Afeelya Bunz.
"My friends gave me the name Ineda Buffet because I love buffets," she confides. "Pretty much all the Chinese ones in town. That's how I get my cleavage. Well, that and duct tape."