Leave it to the dog fanciers to try to pooch a good time. Those purebred purists often take a dim view of wiener dog racing, fearing the sport is harmful to the delicate animals. But NASCAR-style crashes are unlikely at the Wiener Dog Nationals on Saturday, September 4, at Phoenix Greyhound Park, 3801 East Washington. The dashing dachshunds in the 50-yard-long contests top out at around 9 mph (and doggone it, small canines always equal comic gold). Four preliminaries will decide who faces reigning local champ Sasha, with the victor moving on to the national competition in San Diego in December, where it's wiener take all. The "Parade of Racers" starts at 6:30 p.m., and post time follows at 7. Admission is $2. Call 602-273-7181 or visit www.phoenixgreyhoundpark.com.
ASU messes with Texas
Will mediocrity satiate the restless Arizona State University football boosters in Tempe? After 2003's 5-7 record -- the second losing season of head coach Dirk Koetter's three-year tenure -- it would certainly be an improvement. But our guess is that Koetter, along with 11 returning starters, including Heisman candidate Andrew Walter, won't be satisfied with anything less than a bowl invite come December (and they're probably a little pissed about that sixth-place prediction from the Pac-10 media poll). ASU begins its quest against the University of Texas-El Paso (2-11 last year) at 7 p.m. Thursday, September 2, at Sun Devil Stadium. For tickets, $5 to $70, call 480-965-2381. --Joe Watson
Hooters Classic tees off
We know it'll be hard keeping your eye on the ball at the Hooters Golf Classic on Thursday, September 2, at Starfire at Scottsdale Country Club, 11500 North Hayden, where the buxom barmaids from the national chain will serve as caddies. But try biting your lip and gripping your shaft tightly. Don't expect any ball washing or tips on handling your wood, either, since Hooters' on-the-job training only covers wing slinging, not club swinging. If you can keep your strokes down, or land a hole-in-one into a kiddy pool, you'll win prizes like gift certificates or a trip to Vegas. Proceeds benefit the Lance Armstrong Foundation, with various pricing packages available. See www.hootersaz.com.