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BEST POLITICIAN

Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon

Phil Gordon is truly a pig in shit. This guy was dying to be the mayor of Phoenix for as long as we can remember, and now that he's got the title, we've gotta say -- he hasn't screwed up yet. Actually, he's done some good, steering downtown development away from sports and demonstrating a real vision for the city's future. We like the fact that he's working closely with ASU to bring a medical school downtown.

We don't like the fact that he continues to prop up the ill-conceived convention center, that he robbed our libraries of porn -- and what were you thinking, you schmuck, endorsing Andrew Thomas for county attorney?

We know the old saying, you gotta go along to get along -- so go along, now, fearless leader, and get us what we want, like a replacement for Patriots Park.

If you do your job right, Mayor Phil, everyone in town will someday love this city as much as you do.

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