Can't afford a plane ticket to go home for the holidays? Don't end up alone in your crummy apartment with a lukewarm TV dinner when you can surround yourself with a flock of female impersonators at Pookie's Cafe, 4540 North Seventh Street, where drag queens perform their usual Vegas-style cabaret revue, but with a Christmas twist. Victoria, Cherokee, and Barbra Seville perform on Friday, December 24, lip-synching to seasonal songs by the likes of Hilary Duff. The holiday high jinks continue on Saturday, December 25, when Phaedra the Latin Pheline and Devina the Devine Diva strut their stuff. The former sends up Tejano pop star Selena, and Devina's act includes Diana Ross' "Sleigh Ride" and maybe even a Janet Jackson number -- complete with Super Bowl outfit and wardrobe malfunction. "My male dancers rip off part of my top," Devina says. "I don't have the real deal to pop out, just my regular . . . thing, covered by a pasty." Oh, you nasty boys. Show starts at 9:45 both nights. Call 602-277-2121. -- Benjamin Leatherman
Why you buggin' on X-mas?
Christmas is about so much more than presents, decorations, and religious observations. It's also about partying, dancing, and kick-ass turntablists, which is why we're gonna be sippin' our eggnog at DRP Events' "Mary X-mas" party on Saturday, December 25. Some of the Valley's best DJs -- including Cik & Kore, C.L. McSpadden, Sonique Des Fleur, John Stettler, Nappe, and Ariel -- will be spinning and scratching, with three "surprise guest headliners." And what's a dance party without trippy lights? Boring, that's what, so expect some "laser wizardry" to spin your senses. The Grinch, Santa Claus, and Santa Jack (huh?) will also be on hand, and you can get your hands on some free CDs and wrapped presents. Get directions to the "Mary X-mas" party by e-mailing: email@example.com, or calling 480-375-5498 (on event night only). Tickets cost $15 in advance, $20 at the door. -- Niki D'Andrea
Livestock strut their stuff at annual show
12/29-1/1 The less-urban among us know full well there's nothing like quality time spent with cattle, horses and swine to get in touch with one's Western roots. Cowboys and girls of all shapes and sizes are invited to do just that at the Arizona National Livestock Show, Wednesday, December 29, through January 1, at the State Fairgrounds, 19th Avenue and McDowell. The Southwest's largest livestock show and a Valley fixture since 1948, this year's event features a livestock competition, Cowboy Classics Western and Gear Show, and an interactive farm experience. Admission, from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., is $3; kids 10 and under get in free. For details call 602-258-8568. And for $1-off coupons, visit www.anls.org. -- Craig Wallach