Slipknot

Backstage at some nameless arena, the freakishly masked thrash-metal terrorists of Slipknot conduct their traditional pre-concert confab:

"We really rocked the hizzle last night," says frontman Corey Taylor (a.k.a. No. 8). "Although y'all are bummed that the crowds aren't what they used to be, the single Duality from our newest album produced by Rick Rubin is getting airplay, and we rocked Conan a few months back. Any questions? You there, No. 4 . . ."

"Actually, I'm No. 3," says percussionist Chris Fehn. "Maybe we should hang up our masks, since we pretty much broke up in 2003, we've all got side projects -- like No. 0 moonlighting as DJ Starscream -- and nü-metal's dying a slow death. Hell, the other night, some chick asked me if I was in GWAR."

"That's ri-goddamn-diculous," counters Taylor. "Sure, we're both costumed freaks pushing cacophonous thunder with brutal stage acts, but at least we've got matching jumpsuits. Fuck the naysayers -- if we want to mix up our usual screaming grindcore with the occasional melodic bits, at least our maggots will enjoy it. Besides, if we need press, we'll just put out a sex vid like Fred Durst."