Addicted to PSP

Tabb finds several more things to glue him to the screen

Punk Rock.

That's right, Punk Rock.

Where the hell are all my CDs you local bands are supposed to send me? The idea here is to get the word out about your music and your ideas. And that goes for you in the other arts as well. If I can review it and plug it here, I will. Film, poetry, disposable art, send it on over. I really think Phoenix can be the next "it" city. We all just gotta get off our asses.

And that includes me.

Because of that damn PSP. The Sony PlayStation Portable.

All I've been doing is sitting around staring at the amazing screen, which almost looks 3-D, and playing games like Tiger Woods PGA Tour.

A punk rocker playing golf?

You fucking bet. Video-game golf is the best form of meditation next to yoga and masturbation. You concentrate real hard and use your putts to get into that hole.

The game, which comes to us from EA Sports, the leader in such things, rocks. But be aware, it's got a good long learning curve, and some wildly long load times. If you can get over that, you'll find this baby to be a ton of fun. Tiger Woods PGA Tour has tons of courses and lots of players, but the coolest thing is you can make your own golfer, and he or she can look just like you. I made my guy and named him George, and he looks just like me. Six feet two, over 200 pounds, clear blue eyes, and abs and a butt women would die for.

Totally me.

Also, it's worth mentioning that to use your back swing and forward swing, you use the analog joystick on the PSP, which feels very castrated. But not in a John Wayne Bobbitt sort of way.

Also new for the PSP is Metal Gear Acid from Konami. Now this was the game I was waiting for. Hi-res Solid Snake on a portable. How cool it would be to sneak around and kill bad guys while I'm sitting in the car, on the couch, or waiting on line at fucking Taco Bell.

How cool, indeed.

But I have to say, what the hell?

Instead of being a stealth and slit-those-bad-guys'-throats sorta game, it's a turn-based card game.

That's right. You find cards along the way and use them to move ol' Snake around on his missions. While this may be orgasmic to the Dungeons & Dragons crowd, to us lowbrow, normal, all-American Grand Theft Auto-type video-game players, this sucks. Who the hell wants to think? Or worse, have "strategy"? I want to blow up things real good.

Fuck this game.

Play the new PlayStation 2 game with Solid Snake, Snake Eater -- it's what it should be. Fun.

Lumines from Ubisoft for the PSP is a fun puzzle game much like Tetris. Only it's in color, more complicated, and will make you see shapes in your sleep even worse. The game is more addictive than meth, and a hell of a lot more fun, too. It turns out, the more you think with this game, the better you do. But it's FUN thinking in that not-paying-attention sort of way. You'll enjoy this.

The Sims 2 "University" Expansion Pack is now available, also from EA. This time, you, master of puppets, can make your digital slaves go to college, get really drunk, and do all those stupid things we've all done. Like piss in the laundry machine, waste all your money in the video arcade, and contract lots of STDs. Wait! That was just me?

Suicide Tourist is the new CD from Bantam out of New York on Heavy Nose Records. The name of the label is a joke about singer Gina's big schnozz. For those of you not in the know, Gina was in the legendary Lunachicks, and Bantam is her new band. This is their second album, which rocks harder than their first. Heavy guitars and hellishly sincere vocals make this CD a must-have for fans of this type of music, and some of the tunes are really, really good. Like "All or Nothing" and "Fan the Flames." Then there's that good old Gina humor, especially with "Dicky Rush." You go, Gina!

I just heard from my college pal, Aaron, that the Dead Boys have a new DVD out that's live from CBGB in 1977. I gotta track that fucker down. That Ramones Raw thing, too.

One Live Sonofabitch and a Hell of a Lot More is a two-CD and one-DVD kit from Steel Cage Records, featuring none other than everyone's favorite punk-rockin' redneck boys, Antiseen. To say these guys belong in that movie Deliverance is the understatement of the century. These guys would make THOSE guys bend over and squeal like a pig. It's 25 years of punk anthem rock here, and as far as I'm concerned, they're the Lynyrd Skynyrd of my time.

A DVD I did manage to see was the new Circle Jerks one on Kung Fu Records. As old and as great as these guys are, I hate to admit it, they still got it! Damn them. My fuckin' back hurts and my fingers hurt after a long set. These guys play all the hits, and it's great to see Zander playing along with Greg and Keith. "Feeling 7-Up, I'm feeling 7-Up!"

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