The Vagina Dialogues

Bi-curious women are here -- but not quite queer. Welcome to the new lesbian chic

with every kiss, you seem to fall more and more. . . . the next day, all you can do is think about her. you can't wait until you can talk to her again. you think of all the great stuff that is to come in the future. you call her.

it hits you all at once.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LIKE OMG! DID WE HAVE FUN LAST NIGHT OR WHAT? . . . ALL THE BOYS LOVED US!!! TOO BAD I COULDN'T FIND A HOT GUY!!! I WAS SOOOOO DRUNK! . . . WHEN ARE WE GOING TO FIND SOME HOT GUYS AND MAKE OUT AGAIN?!?!?!

Women tend to be good at comfort and affection.
Mike Maas
Women tend to be good at comfort and affection.
Sincero (right) gives Susan Burns some pointers on picking up a girl.
Jeff Newton
Sincero (right) gives Susan Burns some pointers on picking up a girl.

Details

Workshop on Wednesday, September 21, at MADE Art Boutique, 922 North Fifth Street in Phoenix. She promises to give you "the lowdown on where to meet girls, overcoming your hesitations and fears, and the basics of girl-on-girl sex." The class is limited to 25 women, so send an e-mail to info@jensincero.com to RSVP. You can pay the $25 fee in cash or by credit card at the door.

Sincero is also reading from The Straight Girl's Guide at Changing Hands, 6428 South McClintock in Tempe, on Monday, September 19 at 7 p.m. The event is free and open to the public.

For more info, check out »web link.

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cue rem's "everybody hurts."

Lisa M. Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, says that today's bi-curious woman certainly has high visibility -- but that doesn't mean she's actually getting it on.

"I wonder if that many girls are dabbling in it, versus just talking about it," Diamond says. "It's much more common for girls to say, 'I can see trying it.' Actually doing it is a scarier topic."

But just like Sweeps Week kissing seems to have made it cool to suck face in bars, all that face sucking seems to be ushering in new tolerance for the next step: Following through.

Ashley, the NAU student, now thinks she's open to hooking up with a woman, if the circumstances are right. An ASU undergrad who doesn't want her name used at all says she kissed girls in bars more than half a dozen times before she found herself in a group of six women where everyone was making out.

The only spectator was a mostly-finished bottle of tequila.

"I really enjoyed it," the student says. "You feel this great esteem boost. You feel loved."


This is what happened to Jen Sincero.

She grew up in New York. Went to college in Colorado. Played in a rock band in Manhattan and wrote advertising copy, then fled to Albuquerque for six years of hiking and playing in bands and not much else. After moving to Los Angeles, she wrote a novel, Don't Sleep with Your Drummer, which was published by a division of Simon & Schuster, MTV Books. (HBO optioned the novel, but recently dropped plans to use it.)

She was bi-curious before it was cool.

"I'd done my fair share of dabbling," she writes in The Straight Girl's Guide, "made out with a few drunk friends, and groped the occasional boob here and there, but nothing all that intimate ever happened. It was the result of being wasted and figuring that if there were no cute guys around I might as well pin Sharon to the couch."

All the while she dated men, and not just a few of them. "I used to be a big 'ho bag'," she notes, in passing, during a lunch interview at Zen 32.

An angular 6'1", with a voice that manages to boom despite its raspiness, Sincero is funny and enthusiastic and still a little gawky, despite recently turning 40.

"We're so uptight," she rasps into her sushi, oblivious to the fact that a stuffy couple two tables down is listening to every word. "People should just do what they want to do and not worry about it.

"Although," she adds quickly, "I don't want to promote everybody running around fucking all the time. There are consequences." The stuffy woman nods her agreement.

It was in October 2002, when Sincero was well into her 30s, that she found herself, to her great surprise, having sex with a friend she calls Amanda.

That winter, she found herself wondering if she might be a lesbian. Was that possible? She'd always liked guys, but suddenly she was liking -- really liking -- sex with a woman.

That's when she went looking for a book to explain things. And that's when, after none turned up, she made a pitch to the literary agent she'd landed after writing Don't Sleep With Your Drummer. And that's when she started writing The Straight Girl's Guide.

By the time she was done writing, she and Amanda were done.

And so there's something kind of funny about the way her six-month dabble now defines her. She's the poster girl for bi-curious sex, a title she hopes to parlay into something bigger: A radio show, a sex column, a job as a life coach. It's easy to picture her as a West Coast Carrie Bradshaw, albeit one in rubber flip-flops.

That means Sincero has got to sell Sapphic sex, and sell it she does.

"This has so much to do with empowerment and self-love," she says in her booming voice. "It's about rejecting society's uptight guilt trips! It's really exciting to see people doing what they want do."

But for all her talk of empowerment, Sincero admits that much of the wave she's riding is propelled by male libido.

Many of the girls who come to her workshops, she admits, hope to pick up the skills to pull off a threesome with their man. Traffic on her Web site multiplied by thousands after a phone interview on the Howard Stern Show.

She's convinced, though, that lesbian chic is more than titillation.

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