End Times

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine

NT: Uh, well, according to all reports, He loves us. So you're saying that God is sending tragedy our way because He's mad about being overlooked. Yet we're supposed to love Him and devote our lives to Him. This seems just a tiny bit inequitable: "Keep me a superstar or I pull my protection!" What a big baby.

Paul: Well, He's certainly protected me. And truthfully, the important thing is to live in such a way that you make Heaven your home.

(At this point in the interview, the phone line goes dead. After several minutes, Bonnie Paul calls back on his cell phone.)

The author (left) with Bonnie Paul before Paul got God, in 1974.
Mary Pela
The author (left) with Bonnie Paul before Paul got God, in 1974.

Paul: Sorry about that. We lost power. It was the strangest thing. All the electricity is off in our house.

NT: Is it a message from God?

Paul: Probably. You know, you mentioned Hurricane Katrina. That was a clear message from God.

NT: Well, it wasn't clear to me. Was He saying, "Too many poor black people!"? Or maybe it was, "Mildew is fun!"

Paul: No. Katrina hit two days before Southern Decadence [a weeklong party by and for gays and lesbians on the weekend before Labor Day in New Orleans] was to take place.

NT: Oh. So once again it's the fault of all us homos. But how can that be if everything is preordained?

Paul: You can change God's mind about things. Moses did. You can pray to Him and tell Him what He wants to hear, and He won't send tragedy. By the way, the preordination thing is that everyone was preordained to be holy.

NT: Yeah, and Adam and Eve screwed that all up. But I'm not buying this bit about just asking God not to kill thousands of people with a hurricane or an earthquake or an evil terrorist act, and he'll say, "Oh, all right. Since you promised to be good!"

Paul: Uh, yeah. You're right. But He's probably not going to intervene when our radical enemies recognize the ungodliness in American culture and do something against it.

NT: God is such a politician.

Paul: No. The terrorists -- and I'm talking about radical Islam here -- are afraid our ungodly culture will creep into their culture. They see harlots with painted nails, driving around in SUVs and shoving their breasts into midair, and they think that's American culture. They don't want that. Plus, they want us to be a more godly nation.

NT: The Islamic terrorists are sort of God's little soldiers. So, is this End Times?

Paul: No. If you study history, you see a pattern. Right after the sins of the Roaring Twenties, the Depression followed. A lot of our nation's tragedies are a result of sin, not punishment from God. Natural disasters have been around since He created the Earth, and some are sent by Him when He wants to put His foot down about something in order to send a message. And we no longer have the protection we once had from God, whose eyes are in every place beholding the evil and the good.

NT: Oh, good Lord, Bonnie Paul.

Paul: Precisely.

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