Stryper

Hi, this is Michael Sweet from Stryper. I'm either rockin' a stage or deep in prayer right now, so leave your name and a brief message and I'll call you back. [beep]

Yeah, hi, Michael, it's Jesus Christ. Sorry not to have ever gotten back to you, but I've been super busy. I'm sure you understand. Anyway, I'm getting in touch because, ummm . . . okay, look -- I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me over the years. Honestly, I do. And I even get your whole reunion thing. I mean, I'm the king of comebacks, knowwhaddimsayin? But, y'know, you're still doing the whole yellow and black thing? Lame. And throwing Bibles into the crowd? Even I know that no one wants to be hit over the head with this stuff. You should try being a little more subtle, like P.O.D. Trust me, I dig the fact that you rock. I mean, you could be some hippie jam band called "Jesus Tie-Dyed for My Sins" or something. Or Switchfoot. But I gotta tell you, if you're gonna keep acting like goofballs in my name, I can't guarantee your eternal salvation, okay? Look, I gotta make some other calls -- Scott Stapp intends to put out a solo album in a couple weeks. But think about it, okay? Bye.