Crystal Not-So-Clear

The feathered fiend blasts the fact-challenged Republic and ASU's prudish student-body prez, plus examines a tiff at Tranzylvania

Rogers believes his security guy's story: Burbank had been drinking and was out of control when escorted outside the club. The bouncer told coppers that Burbank was belligerent and cursing, and even slapped the security goon, who's six-foot-four and weighs 265 pounds, to Burbank's slight five-foot-seven, 171 pounds.

The bouncer says he only shoved back and that Burbank eventually apologized for his behavior and walked away.

Meanwhile, Rogers has hired a private eye to look into the matter.

"When did he go to the hospital -- the next morning?" asks Rogers, after reading the police report. "I think he may have had a long evening after leaving that club."

The accused security dude is still working at Tranz, and Rogers says he remains confident in his staff and plans no personnel changes. Meantime, The Bird's sources swear that business is as good as ever for Rogers and company on Friday nights.

Could this prove that Tranzylvania's as immortal as Count Dracula?

Yaser, That's My Baby!

As Arizona State University student body president, Yaser Alamoodi's first 100 days in office have been much like Dubya's last hundred: not good, to say the least.

After narrowly winning a disputed election in the spring, Alamoodi was skewered by students when he vetoed a new meal plan proposal before it was sent to the Arizona Board of Regents -- a no-no according to ASU procedure. Then, Alamoodi had his pay suspended for a week in mid-November after he failed to nominate three student government Supreme Court justices by an October 1 deadline.

Now, it seems to The Bird, Alamoodi wants to polish his tarnished image with a campaign to save his school's lousy reputation. And he's starting with all those featherless coeds that ASU's known for.

In response to Playboy's recent announcement that ASU has once again made its list of top party schools (due out in the magazine's May issue) and after Hugh Hefner released his latest Girls of the Pac-10 issue in October, Alamoodi told the State Press at ASU that he wants to pass new legislation that will "prohibit males and females from posing in magazines [that Alamoodi says are] damaging to ASU's reputation."

"Hopefully, coming close to [expulsion or suspension] would be enough of a deterrent for males or females to engage in this," the 28-year-old Saudi national told the campus paper.

But college students feel strongly about exposed bosoms, apparently, and made it clear in the pages of the State Press that they don't appreciate their student president's prudishness. Even ASU's real prez, Michael Crow, doesn't agree with Alamoodi's squawking. In a Press article, he said, of students who doff their plumage for photographers, "If they're over 18, they can do what they want."

What?! Will the real Michael Crow -- he of the political campaign poster ban, the Nipplegate affair (where he went crazy because the State Press Magazine ran a photo of a pierced nipple on its cover) and the booting of amateur porn star/ex-ASU student government veep Brian Buck off campus -- please stand up?

But Crow isn't the only one changing his ultra-conservative tune all of a sudden. Now, Alamoodi's saying he isn't so concerned with ASU gals yanking off their tops in magazines as much as he is with the unauthorized use of ASU's logo. The trouble, Alamoodi says, is that Playboytends to portray naked coeds in their dorm rooms surrounded by the college's mascot, Sparky, and other Sun Devil paraphernalia.

See, all this leads to the perpetuation of ASU's terrible party school reputation. Which it wouldn't have if students would just keep their clothes on and their Sparkys out of the picture.

"Those publications make a mockery of our efforts to improve our image," he chirped to The Bird. "The public misunderstands the association of our logo with those girls and those publications."

Really? So how come, according to ASU spokeswoman Terri Schafer, ASU's legal department found no unauthorized use of the ASU logo in the recent Girls of the Pac-10issue? Is it because, as Playboy spokeswoman Theresa Hennessey explained to this tweeter, the nudie book goes way out of its way to cover its ass on copyright infringement?

"Our legal department goes through every page of every issue before it goes to press," Hennessey told The Bird, "to make sure that all the images and logos we run are within the bounds of fair use."

If Alamoodi is really looking for misuse of the sacred Sparky, he might want to consider the school's current copyright-infringement case, which Schafer says is in the works.

The case is against Gina Lynn Productions, which's distributing a new-ish porno called Double Dutch starring former ASU cheerleader Courtney Cox (not to be confused with the former Friends star -- this one's a porn queen who's, in fact, just changed her name to Courtney Simpson). In Double Dutch, Courtney appears in her ASU cheerleader uniform doing just about everything but skipping rope.

Now that should raise school spirit.

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